50 Uses for Your Dog

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Dear $$firstname$$,

Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. With autumn fast approaching, you’ll “fall” down laughing after reading the amusing anecdotes in this month’s letter.

• In this issue:
• Let Me Rephrase That
• Dog-Tired Veterinarian
• Always Polite
• Pancake Parable
• Past Your What?
• Picture This
• Accidentally on Purpose
• Shirt Tale
• He Bear-ly Escaped
• Seeing is Believing
• Home Sweet Home
• Kids Say the Darndest Things

Let Me Rephrase That

JACK WAS ALWAYS trying to borrow money and, as a result, his friends began avoiding him. One morning, Jack spotted a friend on the street and started a conversation before the man could get away.

“I’ll tell you, I’m in a terrible fix,” Jack said. “I need some money and haven’t got the slightest idea where I’m going to get it.”

“Glad to hear that, my boy,” said the man. “I was afraid you might get the idea that you could borrow it from me.”

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Dog-Tired Veterinarian

A MAN RECENTLY took his rottweiler to a veterinarian to be examined.

"My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" the man asked.

"Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him."

The vet picked up the dog and examined his eyes. Finally, he announced, "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What?" exclaimed the man. "Just because he's cross-eyed?"

"No, because he's really heavy."

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Always Polite

THE YOUNG DRIVER was speeding along when she looked over at her mother in the passenger seat.

“Mother, am I driving too fast?” asked the daughter.

“Of course not, dear,” answered Mother, “but I am.”

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Pancake Parable

A MOTHER WAS making pancakes for her two young sons, Kevin and Ryan. When the boys began to argue about who got the first pancake, Mom saw the chance for a moral lesson.

"If Jesus were sitting here, he would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'"

So Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."

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Past Your What?

JOE THE MILKMAN was delivering 16 gallons of milk to an elderly patron, Emma, who usually only ordered a gallon a week. When Joe asked why she ordered so much more this time, she responded: "I read that a milk bath leaves your skin very soft and silky, so I thought I'd try one. I figured I'd need about 16 gallons."

Joe chuckled and asked, "You want that pasteurized?"

"No," she quipped. "Just up to my chin."

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Picture This

WHO WANTS a special treat?

Click here to see the picture.

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Accidentally on Purpose

A KINDERGARTEN teacher was trying to determine the proper punishment for a boy who had hit a classmate.

"Did you hit Johnny on purpose or by accident?" she asked.

"By accident," the boy quickly replied.

"Do you know the difference between on purpose and by accident?" she persisted.

"Sure! On purpose you get in a lot more trouble."

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Shirt Tale

DRIVING DOWN the highway, a motorist noticed this slogan on the back of a passing motorcyclist's T-shirt:
"If you can read this, my wife fell off."

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He Bear-ly Escaped

A HIKER WAS taking a walk in the woods when a bear began to chase him.

To escape, the man was forced to climb a tree. Seeing the hiker perched on a limb, the bear began to shake the tree vigorously. Just when the man didn't think he could hang on any longer, the bear left.

Climbing down from the tree, the man took a deep breath and started on his hike again. He hadn't gone very far when he saw the bear coming back—this time with its big brother.

Again the man climbed a tree, only to have both bears shake the tree. When the bears finally gave up and left, the man decided he'd had enough and that it was time to go home.

Quickly climbing down the tree, the hiker started on his way...and not a minute too soon. As he looked back, he saw the bears coming back again—with a beaver!

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Seeing is Believing

A YOUNG BOY who had just returned home from spending a week at a dude ranch was describing the experience to his mother.
"I even saw the man who makes horses," exclaimed the boy.

"Are you sure?" his mom asked.

"Yeah," the boy replied, "he was almost finished when I saw him nailing on the feet."

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Home Sweet Home

AFTER THE BAPTISM of his baby brother, Jason sobbed all the way home.

Jason's father asked repeatedly what was wrong. Finally, the little boy replied, "The preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys."

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Kids Say the Darndest Things

FOR 14 years on TV, Art Linkletter asked children about the world around them. Their innocent answers still capture the timeless (and hilarious) wit that can only come from the mouth of babes! 3 DVDs in one collection. Each DVD runs approximately 2 hours. Order your Kids Say the Darndest Things DVD Set today from Country Store.

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