Laughter, the Best Medicine II

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Dear $$firstname$$,

Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. Feeling a little down now that the start of school is in sight? Then let these academic anecdotes and teaching tales help to lift your spirits...and stretch out the last days of summer sunshine a bit longer.

• In this issue:
• Driving Emergency
• Burning to Learn
• Ashes to Ashes
• Reliable Source
• Diet Tips
• Picture This
• Get Your Money's Worth
• Memory Lapse
• No Lumps for Mom
• Serving a Life Sentence
• Cured of a Bad Habit
• Grade School Lessons

Driver’s Emergency

LITTLE JOHNNY returned from his first time riding the bus from school. His mother asked him who the bus driver was, and he proudly stated that it was Elmer Gency. Knowing full well that wasn’t the bus driver’s name, she asked Johnny again.

“But, Mom, I know that’s right,” said Johnny. “It was written right on the back door of the bus: E-M-E-R-G-E-N-C-Y.”

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Burning to Learn

INSIDE THE jacket of a used textbook, the previous student added his own words of advice: “In case of fire, throw in.”

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Ashes to Ashes

A 6-YEAR-OLD boy asked his mother if it's true that God made man from dust.

"Yes, son, it's true that we're made from dust, and to dust we shall return," replied his mom.

"Well," said the boy, "I just looked under my bed, and there's someone either coming or going."

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Reliable Source

SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER: What time of day was Adam born?

Pupil: A little before Eve.

Sunday school teacher: And why did Mary and Joseph take Jesus with them to Jerusalem?

Pupil: They couldn’t find a babysitter.

Teacher: What story in the Bible are you showing in this picture of people on an airplane?

Pupil: The flight to Egypt. See, that’s Mary, Joseph, Jesus and Pontius, the pilot.

Teacher: Who can tell me what a “mystery” is?

Pupil: A mystery is when someone colors on the table, but no one knows who did it.

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Diet Tips

• IF NO ONE sees you eat it, it has no calories.


• If you drink a diet soda with candy, they cancel each other out.


• Foods eaten for medicinal purposes, such as chocolate for energy, have no calories.


• Cookie pieces contain no calories because the breaking process causes caloric leakage.


• If you eat standing up, the calories go to your feet and get walked off.


• “Stressed” is “desserts” spelled backward.

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Picture This

HOW’S THIS for a greeting after a long day at work?

Click here to see the picture.

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Get Your Money's Worth

EACH YEAR, Sam and Sarah went to the state fair, where Sam would ask Sarah to take a ride with him in an open biplane for $10. But each year, Sarah would refuse, saying, "Ten dollars is $10."

Finally, after several years of this, the pilot offered to take them for a ride for free if neither of them would say a word during the flight.

Sam and Sarah agreed, and off they flew as the pilot took them through loops, spins and dives. They never said a word.

As they landed, the pilot said over his shoulder to Sam, "I thought for sure you'd say something with all the maneuvers I did."

"I should have said something when Sarah fell out," Sam replied. "But $10 is $10."

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Memory Lapse

AN ELDERLY COUPLE recently had dinner at another couple’s house. After eating, the women went into the kitchen and the men visited in the living room. One man started telling the other about a great restaurant he and his wife had just been to.

“What was the name of that restaurant?” asked Joe.

Tom thought for a while and said, “You know those flowers you give to someone you love…the one that’s red with the thorns?”

“A rose,” replied Joe.

“Yes, that’s it,” said Tom as he turned toward the kitchen. “Rose, what was the name of that restaurant we went to?”

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No Lumps for Mom

A FRESHMAN IN high school brought home his class picture to his mom. She asked him to write something soft and mushy on the back of it.
So he wrote "Oatmeal."

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Serving a Life Sentence

A MARRIED COUPLE was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, but the husband looked miserable. One of the guests finally asked him why.

The husband replied, “Her father and three big brothers came to me and told me they’d throw me in jail for 20 years if I didn’t marry her. I just can’t help thinking that if I’d chosen jail, I’d be a free man by now.”

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Cured of a Bad Habit

AFTER YEARS of trying, a wife finally got her husband to stop biting his nails. When asked how she did it after so many years of trying, she said, “I hid his teeth.”

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Grade School Lessons

TEACHER: Why are you late?
Pupil: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Pupil: The one that says, "School Ahead. Go Slow."

Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?
Pupil: HIJKLMNO.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Pupil: Yesterday, you said it was H to O.

Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America.
George: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class: George.

Teacher: Johnny, your composition "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Johnny: No, teacher. It's the same dog.

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