Butter Boy

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Dear $$firstname$$,

Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. The July 4th fireworks may have all gone off, but there’s still time for an explosion of laughter with these firey funnies. So light a leftover sparkler and let these tales entertain you.

• In this issue:
• Thank You for Smoking
• Cobbler’s Higher Calling
• Big Accomplishments
• Different Strokes
• Like New, One Owner
• Picture This
• Pulling His Leg
• Longtime Friends
• Tough Tykes
• Hairy Problem
• Little Boy Blues

Thank You for Smoking

A MAN RIDING on the train was smoking a strong-smelling cigar. A lady that sat across from him asked, “Will you please put out that cigar?” The man kindly obliged, then noticed a pain in his foot. He removed his shoe to massage away the pain when the lady asked, “Will you please light that cigar?”

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Cobbler’s Higher Calling

THE SIGN ON the cobbler shop read: We treat shoes, heel them, attend to their dyeing and save their soles.

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Big Accomplishments

A CO-WORKER asked the new retiree what he would do. “When I get up in the morning, I won’t have anything to do,” said the retiree. “And when I go to bed at night, I’ll have it all done.”

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Different Strokes

A FELLOW WHO was down on his luck knocked at the door in an affluent neighborhood and asked if there were any chores he could do in exchange for food. He was given a meal, handed a brush along with a can of paint and was asked to paint the porch in the rear.

He came back two hours later and said he was done, adding, “It was a Mercedes, not a Porsche.”

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Like New, One Owner

A MAN WAS trying to sell his car but had no buyers after several weeks. A friend noticed the car had 120,000 miles on it and suggested the man turn back the odometer.

A week later, the For Sale sign was gone and the man was polishing the car. The friend asked what happened. “I’ve decided to keep the car,” the man said. “It’s only got 20,000 miles on it!”

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Picture This

WHO WINS a staring contest against a stony competitor?

Click here to see the picture.

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Pulling His Leg

A MAN WENT to his doctor complaining of a sore leg. “Doc, I’ve tried all kinds of salves and ointments, and it’s just not getting any better.” After examining him, the doctor said, “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do. It’s just old age you’re feeling.”

“But, Doc,” said the man, “my other leg doesn’t hurt, and it’s the same age.”

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Longtime Friends

TWO OLD FRIENDS decided to have lunch together. After finishing their meal, the one woman confessed, “You know, I just can’t remember your name.”

Her friend hesitated a moment before she responded, “How soon do you need to know?”

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Tough Tykes

THREE LITTLE BOYS were bragging about how tough they were.

“I’m so tough,” said the first boy, “that I can wear out a pair of shoes in a week.”

“Well,” said the second boy, “I’m so tough, I can wear out a pair of jeans in a day.”

“That’s nothing,” said the third boy. “When my parents take me to see Grandma and Grandpa, it takes me less than an hour to wear them out.”

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Hairy Problem

AFTER A PARTICULARLY long-winded Sunday service, the minister approached a parishioner who had left during the sermon and later returned.

“Where did you go?” asked the minister.

“To the barber for a haircut,” said the man.

“Why didn’t you do that before you came?” asked the minister.

“Well, I didn’t need one then,” said the man.

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Little Boy Blues

TOM AND JOE each had a calf to raise for the county fair. One day, Tom was sitting on the porch crying.

“What’s wrong?” asked his grandpa.

“It’s my calf,” said Tom. “I keep putting a bell around its neck so I can tell him from Joe’s calf. He keeps tearing it off on the rail fence.”

“Which one is yours?” asked his grandpa, trying to think of a better way to affix the bell.

“The black one,” said Tom.

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