Black Kit-Cat Klock®

Click here for Information

Dear $$firstname$$,

Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. We’ve raked in a few giggles and a couple of guffaws with this batch of gags. But we’ll leave it to you to decide whether this month’s crop of jokes is ripe for picking or already gone to seed.

• In this issue:
• Go Figure
• Marking the Spot
• Policy Decision
• Picture This!
• Polite Answer
• Difficult Diagnosis
• An Unusual Pet
• Take a Hike!
• A Proper Wedding
• Fishing for Deer?
• Get Even More Laughs!

Go Figure

TWO LITTLE GIRLS were on their way to school one morning when one of them said, “Guess what? I et seven eggs for breakfast.”

“You mean ‘ate’,” said the other girl.

“Well,” said the first girl, “maybe it was eight I et.”

top

Marking the Spot

TWO MEN were fishing in the middle of a lake, and the fish were biting like mad. “I sure hope we can remember this spot,” said one of the fisherman.

“That’s easy,” his buddy replied. “We’ll just mark a big X on the side of the boat.”

top

Policy Decision

AFTER Bill's barn burned down, his wife, Polly, called the insurance company. “We had that barn insured for $100,000, and I want my money,” Polly told her agent.

“Hold on just a minute,” the agent replied. “Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. We’ll ascertain the value of what was damaged and provide you with a sum equal to that.”

There was a long pause before Polly answered, “If that’s the case, then I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”

top

Picture This

I’D LIKE TO make a cow-lect call…

Click here to see how the first telephones worked.

top

Polite Answer

WANTING TO MAKE a good impression on the pastor, a woman gave him a homemade apple pie. When he got it home, he cut a piece and took a bite. It was so horrible that he immediately spit it out and threw the rest out the window.

The next Sunday, the woman was first in line to greet him and asked how he liked the pie. Thinking fast, he replied, “A pie like that doesn’t last around my house very long.”

top

Difficult Diagnosis

A WEEK AFTER Dave had been in to see the doctor, the two met on the street.

“Dave,” said the doctor, “your check came back.”

“Well, then we’re even,” said Dave. “So did my arthritis.”

top

An Unusual Pet

DECIDING HIS LIFE would be more fun with a companion, a man went to the pet store and told the owner he wanted an unusual pet.

After some discussion, the man decided to buy a centipede that came in a small white box. The man took his pet home and found a nice location for the box. He thought the centipede might like some exercise, so he asked, “How’d you like to go to the park?” But there was no answer from his pet.

After waiting a few minutes, the man asked again but still got no response. He waited a bit longer and thought he’d try one last time. Putting his face up to the centipede’s house, he shouted, “Hey, in there! Do you want to go for a walk?”

From inside the box, a little voice said, “I heard you the first time. I’m putting on my shoes.”

top

Take a Hike!

A FELLOW WAS WALKING along a country road and came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer and asked how long it would take him to get to the next town.

The farmer didn’t answer. So, after waiting a bit, the fellow started walking again. After the man had gone about 100 yards, the farmer yelled, “About 20 minutes.”

Confused, the man turned back toward the farmer and inquired, “Why didn’t you tell me that when I asked you?”

“Well,” said the farmer, “I didn’t know how fast you could walk.”

top

A Proper Wedding

LITTLE SUSIE was playing wedding with her sister, Sandy, who pretended to be the minister. Sandy said to Susie, “Now repeat your vows after me.”

To which Susie confidently replied, “I don’t need to repeat them. I already know them: A-E-I-O-U.”

top

Fishing for Deer?

The horrified expressions are priceless, but the signs say it all: "Hunt more deer!" This comical design is printed on a cream-colored 100% cotton, short-sleeve shirt. U.S.-made and imported. Order your Bass Signs T-Shirt today from Country Store.

top

Get Even More Laughs!

SIGN UP for the humor newsletter "Laugh Lines," packed with the hilarity you love from Reader’s Digest. You’ll get jokes and colorful cartoons—plus learn how you can get paid for your own funny stories! Subscribe here.

top