NOTE--To claim your free issue of Reminisce, click below for details. http://www.reminisce.com/rd.asp?id=122&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ NOTE--To see an on-line version of this newsletter, copy this link and paste it into your web browser: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=1202&firstname=$$firstname$$&emailaddress=$$email$$&refurl=$$refurl-link$$ If you have questions or wish to unsubscribe, see the instructions at the bottom of this email. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Laugh Letter - February 2007 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear $$firstname$$, Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff! The cold chill of winter may finally be on its way out. If not, these quick quips may help warm you up with a few good chuckles and knee-slappers. --> Grooms, Beware --> Now, How about a Used Car? --> Daffynitions --> Silly Snickers --> Picture This --> Doctor Cured Sarcasm --> A Lesson in Arithmetic --> Early to Rise --> 50 Uses for Your Dog --> Get Even More Laughs! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Grooms, Beware ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ He didn’t like my pudding, and he didn’t like my cake. My biscuits were too hard, not like his mother used to make. I didn’t perk the coffee, and I didn’t make the stew, I didn’t mend his socks like his mother used to do. As I pondered for an answer, I was looking for a clue. So I turned and boxed his ears, like his mother used to do. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now, How about a Used Car? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A SALESMAN had a female customer interested in an antique brass bed. Trying to seal up the sale, he told her, “George Washington once slept in this bed.” That seemed to heighten the woman’s interest, so he added, “And also Napoleon Bonaparte.” The customer thought about that for a moment, then remarked, “Why, that seems impossible.” “Oh, I don’t know," the salesman replied. “It is a double bed.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Daffynitions ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Golf foursome—Tee party Litterbug—Strewball Poker game—Chips that pass in the night Sound advice—Hearing aid center Health Club—Thinner sanctum Fire insurance—Singe benefits Scarecrow—Crop cop ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Silly Snickers ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fruitful Question. When did all of my wild oats turn into prunes and bran flakes? Come Back. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t return? A stick. Riddle Me This. You throw away the outside, then cook the inside. You then eat the outside and throw away the inside. What is it? An ear of corn. Albacore Score. How do you tuna fish? Run your fingers up and down its scales. Flood Insurance. Which animals on Noah’s ark had money? The ducks had bills, the frogs had greenbacks and the skunks had scents. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Picture This ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HERE’S a cap-ital idea if you face a late frost this spring. To see the picture: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=1203&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q: What did one thermometer say to the other thermometer? A: You make my temperature rise! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Here’s a Travel Deal to Warm You Up! Save $50.00 per person and get FREE luggage! Reserve any of World Wide Country Tours’ fun-filled 2007 tours and you’ll save $50.00 per person plus get a Wheeled Carry-on Bag—FREE! Now that’s a “Hot Deal!” Visit countrytours.com for complete itineraries of all our exciting 2007 vacations. Use code LL33 when you reserve to claim your $50.00 per person savings and FREE Wheeled-Carry-on Bag. Don’t wait to book your trip! Offer expires March 6, 2007! Offer cannot be combined with any other offers. Visit countrytours.com for complete itineraries http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=2023&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ World Wide Country Tours A Reiman Publications Company Exclusive Tour Operator of Reiman Publications 1-800/344-6918 5939 Country Lane, Greendale WI 53129-1429 http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=2024&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Doctor Cured Sarcasm ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A small-town doctor was driving his old car one day while his wife used the new one to take some friends to a meeting. The doctor drove downtown to get the mail and have some lunch. When he parked the car, two little boys walked by, laughed and said, “Look at that dumb old car the doctor drives.” The doctor turned to them and said, “Don’t laugh, boys. That car’s paid for, but you fellows aren’t!” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Lesson in Arithmetic ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HE’S teaching her arithmetic because that’s his mission. He kissed her once, he kissed her twice and said, “Now that’s addition.” And as he added smack by smack in silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave his kisses back and said, “Now that’s subtraction.” Now he kissed her and she kissed him without any explanation. They both together smiled and said, “Now that’s multiplication.” But Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision. He kicked the lad three blocks away and said, “Now that’s division!” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Early to Rise ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A YOUNG city slicker was sent to his uncle’s farm to learn country values. He’d been accustomed to going to bed very late and sleeping until noon. His first night at the farm saw him in bed at 9, but it took some time before he could sleep. “Time to rise,” his uncle said waking him around dawn. “You’re on the farm now, so hoist yourself up, my boy.” The tired lad rubbed his eyes and managed to sit up. “Why are we getting up so early?” he asked sleepily. “We’re going out to cut oats,” the uncle replied. “Mercy sakes alive!” exclaimed the lad. “Do you have to sneak up on them in the dark?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 50 Uses for Your Dog ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THIS hilarious book sheds light on the amusing things your dog does. 50 tail-waggingly good photos. Order yours today from the Country Store. To buy this book online: http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=2729&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Get Even More Laughs! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SIGN UP for the humor newsletter "Laugh Lines," packed with the hilarity you love from Reader’s Digest. You’ll get jokes and colorful cartoons--plus learn how you can get paid for your own funny stories! Subscribe here. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=1210&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Featured Item from Country Store ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dress a Cow with Six Outfits http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=2730&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THIS NEWSLETTER is from the editors of some of your favorite magazines, including... 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