Dress a Cow with Six Outfits

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Dear $$firstname$$,

Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff! The cold chill of winter may finally be on its way out. If not, these quick quips may help warm you up with a few good chuckles and knee-slappers.

• In this issue:
• Grooms, Beware
• Now, How about a Used Car?
• Daffynitions
• Silly Snickers
• Picture This
• Doctor Cured Sarcasm
• A Lesson in Arithmetic
• Early to Rise
• 50 Uses for Your Dog
• Get Even More Laughs!

Grooms, Beware

He didn’t like my pudding, and he didn’t like my cake.
My biscuits were too hard, not like his mother used to make.
I didn’t perk the coffee, and I didn’t make the stew,
I didn’t mend his socks like his mother used to do.
As I pondered for an answer, I was looking for a clue.
So I turned and boxed his ears, like his mother used to do.

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Now, How about a Used Car?

A SALESMAN had a female customer interested in an antique brass bed. Trying to seal up the sale, he told her, “George Washington once slept in this bed.” That seemed to heighten the woman’s interest, so he added, “And also Napoleon Bonaparte.”

The customer thought about that for a moment, then remarked, “Why, that seems impossible.”

“Oh, I don’t know," the salesman replied. “It is a double bed.”

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Daffynitions

Golf foursome—Tee party
Litterbug—Strewball
Poker game—Chips that pass in the night
Sound advice—Hearing aid center
Health Club—Thinner sanctum
Fire insurance—Singe benefits
Scarecrow—Crop cop

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Silly Snickers

Fruitful Question. When did all of my wild oats turn into prunes and bran flakes?

Come Back. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t return? A stick.

Riddle Me This. You throw away the outside, then cook the inside. You then eat the outside and throw away the inside. What is it? An ear of corn.

Albacore Score. How do you tuna fish? Run your fingers up and down its scales.

Flood Insurance. Which animals on Noah’s ark had money? The ducks had bills, the frogs had greenbacks and the skunks had scents.

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Picture This

HERE’S a cap-ital idea if you face a late frost this spring.

Click here to see the picture.

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Doctor Cured Sarcasm

A small-town doctor was driving his old car one day while his wife used the new one to take some friends to a meeting. The doctor drove downtown to get the mail and have some lunch. When he parked the car, two little boys walked by, laughed and said, “Look at that dumb old car the doctor drives.”

The doctor turned to them and said, “Don’t laugh, boys. That car’s paid for, but you fellows aren’t!”

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A Lesson in Arithmetic

HE’S teaching her arithmetic
because that’s his mission.
He kissed her once, he kissed her twice
and said, “Now that’s addition.”
And as he added smack by smack
in silent satisfaction,
she sweetly gave his kisses back
and said, “Now that’s subtraction.”
Now he kissed her and she kissed him
without any explanation.
They both together smiled and said,
“Now that’s multiplication.”
But Dad appeared upon the scene
and made a quick decision.
He kicked the lad three blocks away and said,
“Now that’s division!”

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Early to Rise

A YOUNG city slicker was sent to his uncle’s farm to learn country values. He’d been accustomed to going to bed very late and sleeping until noon. His first night at the farm saw him in bed at 9, but it took some time before he could sleep.

“Time to rise,” his uncle said waking him around dawn. “You’re on the farm now, so hoist yourself up, my boy.”

The tired lad rubbed his eyes and managed to sit up. “Why are we getting up so early?” he asked sleepily.

“We’re going out to cut oats,” the uncle replied.

“Mercy sakes alive!” exclaimed the lad. “Do you have to sneak up on them in the dark?”

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50 Uses for Your Dog

THIS hilarious book sheds light on the amusing things your dog does. 50 tail-waggingly good photos. Order yours today from the Country Store.

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Get Even More Laughs!

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