NOTE--To claim your free issue of Country Woman, click here for details: http://www.countrywomanmagazine.com/rd.asp?id=63&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ NOTE--To see an on-line version of this newsletter, copy this link and paste it into your web browser: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=1161&firstname=$$firstname$$&emailaddress=$$email$$&refurl=$$refurl-link$$ If you have questions or wish to unsubscribe, see the instructions at the bottom of this email. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Laugh Letter - January 2007 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear $$firstname$$, Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. Forget diets and exercise—-it's always a smart resolution to start the new year off with laughter! We're sharing a few jokes that will help you do just that. --> Where's the Fire? --> Country Pun --> Getting an Earful --> What's in a Name? --> Finding a Good Shortcut --> Picture This --> First Time for Everything --> Beginning with an "A" --> Cleverly Overly Done --> Little Book, Big Laughs --> Get Even More Laughs! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Where's the Fire? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TWO BUZZARDS were flying over the desert when a jet whizzed by them, its exhaust spouting flame and smoke. As the plane sped out of sight, one buzzard said, "That bird was really in a hurry." "You'd be, too," said the other buzzard, "if your tail was on fire." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Country Pun ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DO YOU KNOW what they call it when a cowgirl marries a cowboy? A Western Union. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Getting an Earful ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IT'S BETTER for things to go in one ear and slip out the other than to go in one ear, get all mixed up and slip out the mouth. ONE DAY, a fellow came into the country cafe with both ears bandaged. A friend asked him what happened. "Yesterday, while I was ironing a shirt, the telephone rang, and I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone," the fellow replied. "That explains the one ear," his friend said, "but what about the other one?" "They called back." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What's in a Name? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AN ELDERLY MAN and his wife were invited to dinner by their neighbors. The man endearingly preceded every comment to his wife with "Honey," "Darling," "Sweetheart," etc. Their hosts were impressed, as the couple had been married almost 60 years. While the women were off in the kitchen, the neighbor said to the elderly man, "I think it's wonderful that after all these years, you still refer to your wife in such loving terms." The elderly man just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Actually, I forgot her name about 10 years ago." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Finding a Good Shortcut ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A STUDENT was on his way to school but was running short on time. So he stopped at a farmhouse and knocked on the door. "Could I cut across your field so I can catch the 8:30 bus?" he asked. "Go right ahead," the farmer said. "And if my bull sees you, you'll be able to catch the 8 o'clock bus!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Picture This ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LONG WINTERS can sometimes make your mind play tricks on you. Sometimes you may see strange formations in the snow. To see the picture: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=1162&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q: How do you find out the weather when you’re on vacation? A: Go outside and look up! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Arrive a day early or stay a day longer on us! Book any exciting 2007 World Wide Country Tours vacation and get a FREE hotel night before or after your tour in the U.S. city where your vacation begins or ends. Choose from our colorful Mexico’s Copper Canyon Adventure, our down-home Heart of Texas tour and many more. Visit countrytours.com for complete itineraries of all our fun-filled 2007 trips. Use code LL32 when you make your reservation to claim your Bonus Hotel Night. But don’t wait to book your trip! This offer expires February 12, 2007! Offer cannot be combined with any other offers. Hotel selection provided by World Wide Country Tours. Visit countrytours.com for complete itineraries http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=2003&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ World Wide Country Tours A Reiman Publications Company Exclusive Tour Operator of Reiman Publications 1-800/344-6918 5939 Country Lane, Greendale WI 53129-1429 http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=2003&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ First Time for Everything ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AN OLD COWBOY went to church for the first time in his life and told a friend about it: "I tied my horse to a tree in the corral," said the cowboy. "At church, that’s called a parking lot," explained the friend. "Then I went up some steps and through the main gate." "That's called the front door in a church." "Inside, a man in a suit and tie gave me a piece of paper and pointed to a chute I should go down." "That's called an aisle in church." "Then I saw an empty stall and sat down." "That’s called a pew." "Oh," said the cowboy. "That’s exactly what the lady next to me said-—'P-U'." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Beginning with an "A" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ JOHNNY TOLD his kindergarten teacher that Petey used a bad word. Wanting to know what Petey said, she asked Johnny to repeat it. "Oh, Miss Sarah," he said. "I'm not allowed to use dirty words. But if you start naming some, I'll tell you when to stop." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cleverly Overly Done ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE Tom Swift books seem to be filled with the overuse of adverbs like "joyfully," "happily" and "fondly." Here are a few new "Swiftisms:" "I've just inherited my uncle’s entire estate," John said willfully. "Can you name the seven dwarfs?" Tom asked bashfully. "Do you mind if I turn on a light?" Diane asked brightly. "I've just come down with the measles," Gary said rashly. "You’re playing in the wrong key," Bob said sharply. "I picked these strawberries just an hour ago," Cheryl said freshly. "These knives need sharpening," Phil said bluntly. "I enjoy lying here in the sun," Jill said warmly. "These spicy cookies are very good," Robin said gingerly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Little Book, Big Laughs ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Laugh Lines is packed with heart-warming "golden years" humor plus 35 hilarious photos. Order your copy today from our Country Store online. To buy Laugh Lines online: http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=2690&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Get Even More Laughs! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SIGN UP for the humor newsletter "Laugh Lines," packed with the hilarity you love from Reader’s Digest. You’ll get jokes and colorful cartoons--plus learn how you can get paid for your own funny stories! 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