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October 2006 |
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Dear $$firstname$$,Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. Whether you’re in the mood for something frightfully funny or scarcely silly, you should find it in the “boo-ffet” of jokes below:
Quick QuipsTOOTHSOME. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. GOOD QUESTION. What’s the difference between a man with a cold and a professional boxer? One blows his nose; the other knows his blows. WONDER YEARS. Husband: What are the best 10 years of a woman’s life? Wife: Twenty-nine to 30. FOOTBALL FINANCES. Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback. IN THE MIDDLE. Student: Well, Pa, I’m the dumbest of the smart ones, but I’m smartest of the dumb ones. TRUE SALESMANSHIP. When a woman was asked why she bought a Cadillac, she responded, “The DeVille made me do it.” Choice Is GoodTHE REPAIR shop sign read: We do three kinds of jobs—cheap, quick and good. You can have any two:
It Might Work, OnceA HIGHWAY PATROLMAN was parked along the road, checking for speeders. Late in the day, a car came down the road going well above the speed limit. The patrolman pulled out, turned on his car’s lights and siren and soon had the speeder pulled over. He got out, approached the driver and said, “Good afternoon, young man. I’ve been waiting for you all day. What’s your excuse?” “Officer,” the young man replied, “I got here as fast as I could.” The officer was taken by surprise and let the speeder go with a warning.
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1-800/344-6918 Eat Your Way to HealthMY THERAPIST told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I’ve finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.That’s No HelpA TEACHER told her kindergarten pupils that they were to raise their hand if they had to go to the bathroom. The next day, one of them said, “Teacher, last night I had to go to the bathroom, so I raised my hand. But it didn’t help. I still had to go anyway.”
Oldies but GoodiesWHY IS A MINER like a boatman? Because he handles the ore. Why is a hive like a spectator? It is a bee-holder. Why is a handsome woman like bread? She is often toasted. What does a stone become in water? Wet. Why is a good husband like dough? Because a woman needs him. Why is swearing aloud like an old coat? Because it is a bad habit. What part of the fish weighs the most? The scales. What should a clergyman preach about? About a half an hour. Where did Noah strike the first nail in the ark? On its head. Why is the letter K like a pig’s tail? Because it’s at the end of “pork.” How many sides has a pitcher? Two, inside and outside. Why is beauty like a $10 bill? Because once changed, it soon goes. Call Me in the MorningPATIENT: Doctor, I’d like a second opinion. Doctor: Sure, come back tomorrow. Doctor: How is the boy who swallowed the half-dollar? Nurse: No change yet. Get Even More Laughs!SIGN UP for the humor newsletter “Laugh Lines,” packed with the hilarity you love from Reader’s Digest. You’ll get jokes and colorful cartoons—plus learn how you can get paid for your own funny stories! Subscribe here. Mother’s AdviceFOR AS LONG as there have been children, mothers have given advice and admonition. And for just as long, children have ignored it. But what if, throughout history, children had listened to their mothers? Things might have been different: “Get down off that ladder before you fall and break your neck!” —Michelangelo’s mother “Don’t start something you can’t finish.” —Franz Schubert’s mother “If you’d worn gloves like I told you to, your hands wouldn’t be cold!” —Napoleon’s mother “You’re not leaving here with your hair looking like that!” —Marquise de Pompadour’s mother “Don’t fly a kite in this weather!” —Benjamin Franklin’s mother “Stop acting like that!” —Sara Bernhardt’s mother The Trees Have Eyes Order Scarecrow Tree Face from Country Store On-line. This email was sent to: $$email$$ HAVE A FRIEND who enjoys good clean fun? Feel free to forward this newsletter! If this newsletter was forwarded to you, please use this link to sign up for yourself. Please do not reply to this message to unsubscribe. If you do not want to receive further editions of this Laugh Letter, please use this link to unsubscribe. If you would like to change or edit your email preferences, please visit your To learn more about Reiman Media Group’s use of personal information, 
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