NOTE--To see an on-line version of this newsletter, copy this link and paste it into your web browser: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=1035&firstname=$$firstname$$&emailaddress=$$email$$&refurl=$$refurl-link$$ Please do not reply to this email. If you have questions or wish to unsubscribe, see the instructions at the bottom of this email. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Laugh Letter - September 2006 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear $$firstname$$, Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. Summer has come to an end, and now’s the perfect time of year to “fall” off your chair laughing with the knee-slappers in this month’s newsletter. --> Predicting the Future --> Habit-Forming --> Teaching Old Dogs New Tricks --> Heavenly Ideas --> Quick Quips --> Laughter, the Best Medicine --> The Earth Moved --> Picture the Answer --> Date Turns the Tides --> Get Even More Laughs! --> Oh, Henry! --> Beyond Recognition --> Wacky Wakers ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Predicting the Future ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TOMMY AND BOBBY were walking home from school and began comparing their parents. “My mom can tell the future,” said Tommy. “No way,” said Bobby. “Sure,” said Tommy. “All she has to do is take one look at my report card, and she can tell me what my dad’ll do to me when he gets home.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Habit-Forming ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SEVERAL ELDERLY NUNS were on the second floor of the convent when a fire broke out. The nuns calmly took off their habits, tied them together to make a rope and climbed out the window to safety. When they were on the ground, a reporter asked them, “Weren’t you afraid the rope might break since the material is so old?” “Heavens, no,” said one of the nuns. “Old habits are hard to break.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Teaching Old Dogs New Tricks ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IF DOGS trained people, we’d learn stuff like: • When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. • Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. • Take naps and stretch before rising. • Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. • No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout. Run right back and make friends. • Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. • Be loyal. • If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. • When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Knock, knock Who's there? Norma Lee Norma Lee who? Normalee, you can’t find an offer this great! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free Hotel Night Up To $150.00 From World Wide Country Tours! Arrive a day early or stay a day longer on us! Book any exciting 2007 vacation and get a FREE hotel night (before or after your tour) in the U.S. city where your vacation begins or ends. Visit countrytours.com for complete itineraries, including our all-new Newfoundland & Labrador Tour, Beluga Whale Adventure Tour and 2 fun-filled Surprise Mystery Tours. http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1846&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To claim your BONUS HOTEL NIGHT Call us Toll Free at 1-800/344-6918, or Reserve online at countrytours.com http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1846&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Hurry...offer ends December 1, 2006. Use promotion code LL28. Offer cannot be combined with any other offers. Hotel selections provided by World Wide Country Tours. Exclusive Tour Operator of Reiman Publications 1-800/344-6918 5939 Country Lane, Greendale WI 53129-1429 http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1846&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Heavenly Ideas ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AN EXASPERATED MOM, whose son was always getting into mischief, asked him how he expected to get into heaven. The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll just run in and out, slamming the door over and over until St. Peter finally says, ‘For heaven’s sake, Jimmy, either come in or stay out!’” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Quick Quips ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT DID the muskmelon say to the watermelon? I can’t elope. I have something that lets me look through walls. What is it? Windows. What’s the difference between a donkey and a postage stamp? One you can lick with a stick, and the other you can stick with a lick. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Laughter, the Best Medicine - Special Collector's Edition ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Warning: This book may be good for your health! If laughter is indeed the best medicine, then this book is more powerful than any prescription. Get your copy of this laugh-out-loud collection of more than 2,400 jokes, anecdotes, quotes and stories from Reader's Digest, America's most popular purveyor of humor. It's guaranteed to tickle your funny bone! Order Laughter, the Best Medicine from READER'S DIGEST http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=1034&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Earth Moved ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A JOGGER came upon a man lying with his ear to the ground. As he got closer, the jogger heard the man say, “Green Ford pickup, male driver, dog in front seat, slick rear tires.” “You can get all that information just by listening to the ground?” asked the jogger. “Listening, nothing,” replied the man. “That’s the truck that just ran me over.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Picture the Answer ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ YOU’VE HEARD of road rage, but how about road “graze?” To see the answer: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=1024&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Date Turns the Tides ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AFTER a first date, the young woman says to the man, “You remind me of the ocean.” “You mean I’m wild, restless and romantic?” he asks. “No,” she replies. “You make me sick.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Get Even More Laughs! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SIGN UP for the humor newsletter “Laugh Lines,” packed with the hilarity you love from READER'S DIGEST. You’ll get jokes and colorful cartoons—plus learn how you can get paid for your own funny stories! Subscribe here. To subscribe, visit: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=1030&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Oh, Henry! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I ASKED THE librarian if she thought the book “Walden” gave a good account of the life of its author. She said it was pretty Thoreau. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Beyond Recognition ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A VERY DIRTY youngster came in from playing with his friends. He asked his mother, “Who am I?” Ready to play the game, she answered, “I don’t know. Who are you?” “Wow!” the lad exclaimed. “Mrs. Johnson was right. She said I was so dirty even my own mother wouldn’t recognize me!” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Wacky Waker” Alarm Clocks ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Getting out of bed in the morning is a lot more fun with our "Wacky Waker" alarm clocks! The cow clock awakens you with "moos" and the rooster clock lets loose with "cock-a-doodle-doos" at whatever time you set the alarm. Both are made from metal and plastic and come with 3 AA batteries. They measure 5 in. wide x 7 in. high each. Order Cow Wacky Waker from Country Store On-line. http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=2415&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Order Rooster Wacky Waker from Country Store On-line. http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=2416&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Featured Item from Country Store ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Deer Tree Face http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=2414&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ REMINISCE Magazine Gift Subscription Give a memorable gift » More details here: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=1032&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This email was sent to: $$email$$ HAVE A FRIEND who enjoys good clean fun? Feel free to forward this newsletter! If this newsletter was forwarded to you, please use this link to sign up for yourself. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=1028&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Please do not reply to this message to unsubscribe. If you do not want to receive further editions of this Laugh Letter, please use this link to unsubscribe. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=1027&email=$$email$$&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$&OptID=38 If you would like to change or edit your email preferences, please visit your Personal Preferences page. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=1026&email=$$email$$&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To learn more about Reiman Media Group’s use of personal information, please read our Privacy Policy. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=1025&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Copyright 2006 Reiman Media Group, Inc. All rights reserved. 5400 S. 60th St., P.O. Box 991, Greendale WI 53129-0991 1-800/344-6913 © Copyright 2006 Reiman Media Group, Inc.