NOTE--To see an on-line version of this newsletter, copy this link and paste it into your web browser: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=998&firstname=$$firstname$$&emailaddress=$$email$$&refurl=$$refurl-link$$ Please do not reply to this email. If you have questions or wish to unsubscribe, see the instructions at the bottom of this email. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Laugh Letter - August 2006 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear $$firstname$$, Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. Have these jokes been out in the sun too long? That’s for you to decide! Either way, they‘ll still help break up the long dog days of summer. --> There Goes the Evidence --> Just Ask Newton --> Picture the Answer --> Tell It to the Rabbits --> Wisdom of a Child --> Taking It Lightly --> Quick Question --> Horse of a Different Color --> Get Even More Laughs! --> Tough Order to Fill --> Take These Little Tykes Home! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There Goes the Evidence ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ OLE WAS CARRYING two buckets of fish from the river when he was stopped by a game warden in the northwoods. “Do you have a license to catch those fish?” asked the warden. “No, sir,” Ole replied. “These are my pet fish.” “Pet fish?” asked the warden. “Yes, sir,” Ole said. “I take these fish down to the river and let them swim around awhile. When I whistle, they jump back in the buckets, and I take them home.” “That’s a bunch of hooey!” the warden said. “Fish can’t do that.” Ole stared at the warden for a moment and said, “Well, I guess I’ll just have to show you. Follow me, and I’ll demonstrate how it works.” The warden followed behind in disbelief and watched Ole pour the fish into the water. After several minutes, he said to Ole, “When are you going to call the fish back?” “What fish?” Ole asked. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Just Ask Newton ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MEDICAL STUDENT: Professor, why do we have to study physics? It has nothing to do with our profession. Professor: Because it saves lives. Student: How on earth can a physics course save lives? Professor: It prevents idiots from graduating. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Picture the Answer ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CAN YOU SPOT the real “Blade” in this picture? To see the answer: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=993&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tell It to the Rabbits ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHEN THE SNAKES were leaving the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply. The snakes replied that they couldn’t do that—they were adders. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What do you call a country where the people drive only pink cars? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A pink car-nation. See Carnations, Roses and More at the Rose Parade… And save $50.00! Floral floats and fun await you on our Rose Parade tour. http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1831&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Experience the celebrated Tournament of the Roses Parade, plus these other great highlights… - Be awe-struck by the Crystal Cathedral’s Glory of Christmas stage production - Soak in the ocean views of the Hilton Waterfront Beach Resort - Enjoy an optional tour of historic, enchanting Catalina Island Visit countrytours.com for a complete itinerary and to reserve your tour. Be sure to use promotion code LL27 to claim your $50.00 per person savings. http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1831&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Hurry...offer ends September 1, 2006. Offer cannot be combined with any other offers. Exclusive Tour Operator of Reiman Publications 1-800/344-6918 5939 Country Lane, Greendale WI 53129-1429 http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1831&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wisdom of a Child ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LITTLE SUSIE complained to her mother that she had a stomachache. “That’s because your stomach is empty,” said her mom. “You would feel a whole lot better if you had something in it.” Later that day, their pastor dropped in for a visit and remarked that he had a headache. Susie perked up. “My mom says that’s because it’s empty. You’d feel much better if you had something in it!” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Taking It Lightly ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SOME CITY BOYS were on their first camping trip. As they sat around the campfire, mosquitoes began to bite them. “Let’s go inside the tents,” the counselor suggested. That night, while everybody was sleeping, one of the boys woke up and nudged the counselor. “What’s wrong?” the counselor asked. The boy pointed to a group of fireflies. “It’s those mosquitoes again, and this time they brought flashlights!” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Quick Question ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IF MARRIAGE were illegal, would only outlaws have in-laws? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Horse of a Different Color ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “DOC, YOU’VE GOT to help my husband,” a farmer’s wife said frantically. “He thinks he’s a racehorse. He wants to live in a stable; he walks on all fours and he even eats hay.” “I’m sure I can cure him,” the doctor replied, “but it’ll be very costly.” “Oh, money’s no object,” she responded. “He’s already won two races.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Get Even More Laughs! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SIGN UP for the humor newsletter “Laugh Lines,” packed with the hilarity you love from Reader’s Digest. You’ll get jokes and colorful cartoons—plus learn how you can get paid for your own funny stories! Subscribe here. To subscribe, visit: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=999&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tough Order to Fill ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A MAN WALKED into a restaurant and saw a sign that read, “We’ll give you $300 if we’re unable to serve you any entree you order.” He sat down and told the waitress he wanted elephant liver on rye. The waitress took the order and left. All of a sudden, the man heard terrible noises coming from the kitchen—the sound of feet stamping, screaming and the banging of pots and pans. It went on and on. The noise finally stopped, and the cook appeared from the kitchen. He slapped down $300 in front of the customer and said, “I can’t believe it. We’re out of rye.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Take These Little Tykes Home! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LITTLE FARMERS never grow up, but they do sell out fast. So, don't wait too long to order these popular posters, which are an exclusive Country Store item. Order Little Farmers Poster from Country Store On-line. http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=2294&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Featured Item from Country Store ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lodge Bear with Signs http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=2295&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THIS NEWSLETTER is from the editors of some of your favorite magazines, including... 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