NOTE--To see an on-line version of this newsletter, copy this link and paste it into your web browser: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=977&firstname=$$firstname$$&emailaddress=$$email$$&refurl=$$refurl-link$$ Please do not reply to this email. If you have questions or wish to unsubscribe, see the instructions at the bottom of this email. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Laugh Letter - July 2006 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear $$firstname$$, Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. These jokes were found among the debris from the Fourth of July fireworks. Some duds may just fizzle, but watch out for those that still have a little spark! --> Top This --> Be More Specific --> Picture the Answer --> Chaos and Confusion --> Get What You Pay For --> You May Be in a Country Church if... --> That’s a Bright Idea --> English Major --> Get Even More Laughs! --> Just a Wannabe --> Tenuous Tenant --> Don’t Give Up! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Top This ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CHARLEY WAS PROUDLY taking a visiting Texan on a tour of his Arkansas farm when an animal crossed the road in front of them. “What was that?” asked the Texan. “A deer,” replied Charley. “Well, in my state, the deer are much bigger than that,” said the Texan. “And what’s that?” “A groundhog,” said Charley. “I didn’t even recognize that,” said the Texan. “Ours are bigger than that.” A little while later, a turtle crossed the road. “What‘s that?” the Texan asked. Charley replied, “A tick.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Be More Specific ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE TOMBSTONE READ: Remember me as you pass by, As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, someday you’ll be, So prepare to follow me. Someone added: To follow you is not my intent, Because I don’t know which way you went. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Picture the Answer ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHO ORDERED pigs in a blanket? To see the answer: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=972&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chaos and Confusion ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A DOCTOR, an engineer and a lawyer were arguing over whose profession was the oldest. The doctor said, “On the sixth day, God took one of Adam’s ribs and created Eve. So that makes Him a surgeon first.” “Please,” replied the engineer. “Before that, God created the world from chaos and confusion. So He was first an engineer.” “Interesting,” the lawyer retorted. “But who do you think created the chaos and confusion?” top ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Save up to $250.00 on Select Departures! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A farmer is milking his cow. As he is milking, a fly comes along and flies into the cow’s ear. A little bit later, the farmer notices the fly in the milk. The farmer looks up and says, "Hmph. In one ear, out the udder." Be sure you listen up to hear how you can... Book a September or October departure now and get as much as $250.00 off! http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1780&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ HURRY! These deals expire August 18, 2006. Best of Italy $100.00 off Sept. 4-13, Sept. 20-29, Oct. 4-13 http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1779&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ New Zealand & Australia $250.00 off Sept. 21-Oct. 6 http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1777&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Philadelphia Freedom & Amish Country $50.00 off Sept. 4-13, Sept. 20-29, Oct. 4-13 http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1778&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ These exciting destinations and more await your arrival! Be sure to book your trip by August 18, 2006. Use promotion code LL26. Offer cannot be combined with any other offers. Exclusive Tour Operator of Reiman Publications 1-800/344-6918 5939 Country Lane, Greendale WI 53129-1429 http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1776&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Get What You Pay For ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ON THEIR WAY home from Sunday worship, Willy and Wanda were complaining about their church—the pews were too hard, the sermon too long and the organ too loud. In the backseat, little Wally quietly listened to all his parents’ complaints. Finally, he piped up, “What do you expect for a dollar?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You May Be in a Country Church if... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ • PRAYERS ABOUT the weather are a standard part of every worship service. • The pastor is wearing boots. • High notes on the organ set dogs in the parking lot to howling. • There is at least one pledge of two calves in the annual stewardship drive. • The minister never has to buy any meat or vegetables. • When it rains, everyone is smiling. • The church directory doesn’t need last names. • Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable. • Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That’s a Bright Idea ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A COUPLE OF country bumpkins, Harry and Larry, ran away from home. Since it was dark, they carried a flashlight to find their way. Eventually, they came to a large body of water. “I know how we can get across,” Harry said. “I’ll flash the light on the water, and you can walk across on the beam.” Larry shook his head. “I may not be very smart, but I know that’s not going to work. As soon as I get halfway across, you’ll turn off the light.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ English Major ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ EMPLOYER: Sure I can give you a job. Start by sweeping out the store. Employee-to-be: But, sir…I’m a college graduate. Employer: That’s OK. I’ll show you how. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Get Even More Laughs! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SIGN UP for the humor newsletter “Laugh Lines,” packed with the hilarity you love from Reader’s Digest. You’ll get jokes and colorful cartoons—plus learn how you can get paid for your own funny stories! Subscribe here. To subscribe, visit: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=978&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Just a Wannabe ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I WANTED to be a... ...waiter but couldn’t carry out an order. ...poet but had no rhyme or reason. ...boy Scout but wasn’t prepared. ...skyscraper builder but don’t like tall stories. ...puppeteer but couldn’t pull the right strings. ...plumber but just had a pipe dream. ...garbage collector but don’t like being down in the dumps. ...cab driver but couldn’t hack it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tenuous Tenant ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DELMAR: We like this house a lot, but the landlord asks too much for the rent. Elmer: Really? Delmar: Yep. Last month he asked four times. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Don’t Give Up! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ YOU never need a reason to indulge in a little chocolate…and this shirt explains why you shouldn’t give it up, either. Order I’m no quitter T-Shirt from Country Store On-line. http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=2270&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Featured Item from Country Store ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ultimate Carson Collection 3-DVD Set http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=2271&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THIS NEWSLETTER is from the editors of some of your favorite magazines, including... 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