NOTE--To see an on-line version of this newsletter, copy this link and paste it into your web browser: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=932&firstname=$$firstname$$&emailaddress=$$email$$&refurl=$$refurl-link$$ Please do not reply to this email. If you have questions or wish to unsubscribe, see the instructions at the bottom of this email. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Laugh Letter - June 2006 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear $$firstname$$, Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. After a wet spring here in Wisconsin, we found these jokes washed up on the shore. It shouldn’t take you long to decide whether you want to keep ’em or toss ’em back in the water! --> Spreading the Word --> That’s One Fast Bull --> Do the Buck and Wing --> Picture the Answer --> Ask Awry --> To Have and Too Old --> Got Directions? --> See the Light of Day --> Get Even More Laughs! --> Just Following Orders --> Wisdom of the Ages --> What’s the Beef with this Shirt? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Spreading the Word ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TEACHING junior high school English, Miss Speller emphasized the importance of nice clean margins on student papers. One seventh-grade boy said in his essay that he was sorry to write in the margarine. When she graded his paper, Miss Speller added a little note next to his that said, “Maybe next time you will do butter.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That’s One Fast Bull ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AN IOWA FARMER was tired of hearing a Texas rancher brag how everything was the best on his spread. So the farmer invited the Texan out to his Iowa farm if he was ever in the vicinity. “What do you have on your farm that would interest me?” the rancher asked. “I have a bull that can outrun the train that goes past my place,” the farmer replied. A few weeks later, the farmer saw the Texan driving up his lane. Realizing that his bluff had been called, he told his teenage son to get rid of the rancher any way he could. When the Texan asked the boy where his dad was, the son said, “He left this morning for New York. He should be there this afternoon.” “Did he go by train?” the rancher asked. “No,” the boy answered. “He went by bull.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Do the Buck and Wing ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A COUPLE went into a pet store to buy a canary. They told the salesman the bird had to be a good singer. They heard a canary singing loudly and remarked, “It’s beautiful, and it sings great.” But when the salesman took the bird from the cage, the couple said, “Hey, it’s got only one leg.” “What do you want,” the salesman asked, “a singer or a dancer?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Picture the Answer ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT can you expect from a dairy-tale wedding? To see the answer: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=927&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Knock, knock! Who’s there? Woo. Woo, who? Don’t get so excited, it’s just a joke. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SAVE $50.00 Per Person! http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1729&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Here’s Something “Yule” Really Get Excited About! As a valued subscriber of the Laugh Letter newsletter, you’re entitled to $50 off per person when you book by July 7. If you’re looking for a fun-filled way to kick off the holidays, get your ticket to merriment: Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade’s larger-than-life balloons... http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1730&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ the Rose Parade’s lavish floats... http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1732&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ the Biltmore Estate’s treasure-filled rooms... http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1731&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ the Canadian Rockies’ breathtaking scenery! http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1733&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Visit our website to save on our lineup of magical holiday destinations. Don’t delay! Savings end July 7. Use promotion code LL25. Offer cannot be combined with any other offers. Exclusive Tour Operator of Reiman Publications http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1729&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ 1-800/344-6918 5939 Country Lane, Greendale WI 53129-1429 http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1729&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ask Awry ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IF A BALLOON had a baby, would the sky rocket? If a nut had a car, would the screwdriver? If a ship sank, would a safety razor? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To Have and Too Old ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The bride, white of hair, Is stooped over her cane, Her faltering footsteps Need guiding. While down the church aisle, With wan toothless smile, The groom in a wheelchair Comes riding. And who is this elderly couple, You ask? You’ll find, when you’ve Closely explored it, That here is the rare, Most conservative pair, Who waited ’til they Could afford it! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Got Directions? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A RED SPORTS CAR screeched to a stop beside a farmer heading out to his field, and the driver asked, “Do you know how I can get to Highway 91?” The farmer thought about it for a bit and replied, “Nope.” “Do you know where the nearest turnpike entrance is?” asked the driver. “Nope.” “Well, how about the town of Hadley? Do you know which direction that is from here?” “Nope.” Exasperated, the driver threw up his arms and said, “You don’t know very much then, do you?” “Nope,” the farmer answered. “But I do know that I’m not lost.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ See the Light of Day ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DID YOU HEAR about the man who sat down at dusk and waited to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Get Even More Laughs! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SIGN UP for the humor newsletter “Laugh Lines,” packed with the hilarity you love from Reader’s Digest. You’ll get jokes and colorful cartoons—plus learn how you can get paid for your own funny stories! To subscribe, visit: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=933&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Just Following Orders ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “LOOK at this mess!” roared an angry customer at a local cafe, pointing to his squashed doughnut. “It’s just as you ordered it, sir,” the waitress replied meekly. “You told me to bring you coffee and a doughnut and step on it.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wisdom of the Ages ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ • I STARTED OUT with nothing…and still have most of it. • My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat. • I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart. • Funny, I don’t remember being absentminded. • Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant. • I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few. • The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom. • When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone decides to play chess. • It’s hard to meet expenses. They’re everywhere. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What’s the Beef with this Shirt? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THIS NEW, humorous top spills the beans about burgers in an eye-catching, rib-tickling way. Printed on red, this 100% cotton shirt will be the talk of your next get-together. Order yours today! Order Hamburgers T-Shirt from Country Store On-line. http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=2212&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Featured Item from Country Store ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Set: Boy and Girl Planters http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=2213&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THIS NEWSLETTER is from the editors of some of your favorite magazines, including... 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