NOTE--To see an on-line version of this newsletter, copy this link and paste it into your web browser: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=901&firstname=$$firstname$$&emailaddress=$$email$$&refurl=$$refurl-link$$ Please do not reply to this email. If you have questions or wish to unsubscribe, see the instructions at the bottom of this email. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Laugh Letter - May 2006 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear $$firstname$$, Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. May brings warmer air and sunnier days. With the ground having thawed, great gags are springing up all over the place. We hope this issue plants a few seeds of laughter. Some may come up rosy while others may get tossed to the compost pile! --> Change of Heart --> Shedding Light on the Subject --> Picture the Answer --> Needs of the Church --> Share Do-It-Yourself Stories! --> Two for the Chops --> Mixed-Up Signals --> Get Even More Laughs! --> Old Words, New Meanings --> Do the Math --> Give Us This Day --> And Here’s..."The Johnny Carson Show" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Change of Heart ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MORT WAS removing valves from his tractor engine when he spotted a famous heart doctor. “Look at this work, Doc,“ Mort said. “I take out the valves, grind ‘em and put ‘em back. When I’m finished, this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks when you and I are basically doing the same work?“ The doctor answered, “Try doing your work with the engine running!“ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Shedding Light on the Subject ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TWO OLD FISHERMAN, Jack and Fred, were talking about their prize catches from the past week. “I caught the biggest catfish I have ever seen,“ said Jack. “ It took me an hour to get it in the boat, and it weighed over 162 pounds!“ “Well, I didn’t catch any fish,“ said Fred. “ I threw my plug toward the bank of the mud flat. It hardly hit the water when something took it down, and I almost couldn’t reel it in. When I pulled it up beside the boat it was a big ball of mud.“ “That’s not surprising,“ said Jack with a laugh. “ You know there’s nothing out there but mud.“ “But when I stripped off the mud,“ said Fred, “t here was a lantern...and it was still lit.“ “Ah come on, Fred,“ said Jack. “ You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?“ “I’ll tell you what,“ said Fred. “ If you cut 100 pounds off that catfish of yours, I’ll blow out the light in that lantern of mine!“ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Picture the Answer ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HOW can you stop the cow from jumping over the moon? To see the answer: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=896&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. What do you call a man who rolls in the leaves? A. Russel ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Whether or not your name is Russel, there’s a seat on one of our dazzling Fall Foliage Adventures with your name on it! SAVE $50.00 on your reservation http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1686&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Don’t Miss out on the Fun and Spectacular Color! If you love nature at its colorful best, then a Fall Foliage Adventure with our friends at World Wide Country Tours will be an unforgettable feast for your eyes! To see the full palette of fall color destinations, click here. SAVE $50 on your reservation! And, as a valued subscriber of this newsletter, you’re entitled to a special travel savings of $50 off per person! But you must hurry and reserve your spot by June 15, 2006. Visit our website for a complete itinerary and to make reservations. Be sure to mention Promotion Code LL24 to claim your special subscriber travel savings. Savings ends June 15, 2006. http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1686&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Offer cannot be combined with any other offers. Exclusive Tour Operator of Reiman Publications http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1685&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ 1-800/344-6918 5939 Country Lane, Greendale WI 53129-1429 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Needs of the Church ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ YOUNG JEREMY fell asleep in church and tumbled out of his seat just as the minister was preaching about what the church needs. To which Jeremy replied, “Seat belts!“ top ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Share Do-It-Yourself Stories! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lowe’s is teaming up with Reminisce magazine to create a special Lowe’s/Reminisce Collector’s Edition dedicated to their 60th Anniversary...and they want you to be part of the celebration! You can join in by sharing personal stories about you or your family members...about parents and grandparents who hand-built their homes...the boom of post-WWII housing...unforgettable fab ‘50s and sleek ‘60s decorating...up to today’s state-of-the-art home projects! If we publish your story in the Collector's Edition, we’ll send you a special gift as our way of saying, “Thanks.” Complete details here! http://www.reminisce.com/RD.asp?ID=56&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two for the Chops ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TWO MEN went to a restaurant, and each ordered a pork chop. When the waitress brought out a single platter with their order, it had one big chop and one small chop. The first man passed the platter to the second man, who helped himself to the bigger chop. “If you had passed the platter to me,“ said the first man, “I would have taken the smaller chop.“ Said the second man, “I don’t understand why you’re complaining...that’s the one you got.“ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mixed-Up Signals ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A NEIGHBOR asked Jed why he looked so down in the mouth. “It’s those two crazy mules of mine,“ he said. “I hitched ‘em up to harvest my field of popcorn yesterday. It was as hot as could be, and the temperature climbed so high that the corn started to pop right on the cob. Those two mules thought it was snowing—they layed right down in the field and froze to death.“ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Get Even More Laughs! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SIGN UP for the humor newsletter “Laugh Lines,” packed with the hilarity you love from Reader’s Digest. You’ll get jokes and colorful cartoons—plus learn how you can get paid for your own funny stories! To subscribe, visit: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=908&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Old Words, New Meanings ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Accountant – Figurehead Bunions – Ache corns Gardener – Plant manager Chemist – Vial fellow Opthalmologist’s office – Site for sore eyes Sleeping pill – Nod ball Wig – An assumed mane Witches – Hexperts Wrinkles – Fretwork ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Do the Math ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IF YOU HAD 100 female hogs and 100 male deer, what do you have? A 100 sows and bucks. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Give Us This Day ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COMPANY had come for supper, and the hostess’ little girl was asked to give the blessing. “I don’t know what to say,“ she whispered. “Just say what I usually say,“ said her mother. So the little girl began, “Why did I ask all these people to dinner?“ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And Here’s..."The Johnny Carson Show" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TICKLE your funny bone with the classic comedy of the "King of Late-Night Television." In this three-DVD set, rare film and kinescopes from 1955 through 1972 treat you to episodes of the original 1955 The Johnny Carson Show and the memorable 1958 comedy quiz show Who Do You Trust? with Ed McMahon. You’ll also see great stand-up comedy routines from The Jack Benny Show, hilarious commercial bloopers and bonus features. Order Here Is..."The Johnny Carson Show" from Country Store On-line. http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=2109&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Featured Item from Country Store ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I’m No Quitter T-Shirt http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=2110&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THIS NEWSLETTER is from the editors of some of your favorite magazines, including... COUNTRY is your "window" to spectacular scenery and friendly folks. If you live in the country...or wish you did, then this is your magazine. To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=903&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=902&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ REMINISCE takes you on a pleasant stroll down memory lane. Written by its readers, each issue is packed with page after page of personal memories and heartwarming nostalgia. To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=904&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=905&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COUNTRY WOMAN puts you "in touch" with other women who love country living as much as you do. Enjoy recipes, decorating, crafting and more! To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=907&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=906&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This email was sent to: $$email$$ HAVE A FRIEND who enjoys good clean fun? Feel free to forward this newsletter! 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