NOTE--To see an on-line version of this newsletter, copy this link and paste it into your web browser: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=833&firstname=$$firstname$$&emailaddress=$$email$$&refurl=$$refurl-link$$ Please do not reply to this email. If you have questions or wish to unsubscribe, see the instructions at the bottom of this email. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Laugh Letter - March 2006 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear $$firstname$$, Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. St. Patty’s is past, the shamrocks are wilting and the leftover Irish soda bread is as hard as a blarney stone. But you’re still in luck—we just found some golden gags in a pot at end of the rainbow. (They must have been there a long time, though…some of ’em are a wee bit tarnished!) --> It’s Time to Come Clean --> A Little Slower, Please --> A Couple of Clever Comebacks --> Sing It, Dino --> Riddle Me This... --> It’s Limerick Time! --> A Pretty Nutty Equation --> Get Even More Laughs! --> And Send The Fish COD --> There’s Clearly a Country Connection --> Be Careful What You Ask for --> Raise Sheep on the Cheap ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It’s Time to Come Clean ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WE WASH our hands of all responsibility for this old-time soap opera: “Let me hold your Palm, Olive.” “Not on your Life, Buoy.” “Well, I guess I’m out of Lux. But Ivory-formed.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Little Slower, Please ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TWO TOURISTS were driving through Louisiana, and as they approached Natchitoches, they disagreed about how to pronounce the name of the town. When they stopped for lunch, they asked the lady at the counter, “Before we order, you can settle a disagreement for us. Would you please pronounce where we are, very slowly?” The lady leaned over the counter and said, “Burr-gerr Kinnng.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Couple of Clever Comebacks ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ EVER think back on a conversation and wish you’d come up with a zinger? Next time someone asks one of the questions below, you’ll be ready! First friend: Do you still play with paper dolls? Second friend: No. I cut them out a long time ago. He: I want you to know that I’m a self-made man. She: When are you going to finish the job? top ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two women were preparing to board an airliner. One of them turned to the pilot and said, “Now, please don’t travel faster than sound. We want to talk.” Take a Trip That Will Leave You Talking! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you want a trip that’s sure to give you something to talk about, join the folks at World Wide Country Tours as they tour the “Best of Italy.” http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1623&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ - Walking along the pathways of the Popes in Rome - Traveling the canals of Venice - Viewing the masterpieces by artists like DaVinci, Michelangelo and Bernini - Indulging in Italy’s delicious cuisine So, come along and join World Wide Country Tours and tour the “Best of Italy.” Plus! FREE Luggage with your reservation! And, as a valued subscriber of this newsletter, you’re entitled to a FREE Carry-On Bag! But you must hurry and reserve your spot by March 31, 2006. Visit our website for complete itineraries and to make your reservation today! Be sure to use Promotion Code LL22 to claim your special subscriber carry-on bag. http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1623&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ FREE Luggage ends March 31, 2006. Exclusive Tour Operator of Reiman Publications http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1622&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ 1-800/344-6918 5939 Country Lane, Greendale WI 53129-1429 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sing It, Dino ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IF YOU ever go swimming in Italy and are bitten by an eel, that’s a moray. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Riddle Me This... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT has six legs and burrows under houses? To see the answer: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=828&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It’s Limerick Time! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THERE once was a lawyer named Bender, Who worked as a public defender. Since his limo bumped into a little Ford Pinto, He’s referred to as defender Bender. THERE once was a boy name of Daniel, Who bought a brand-new cocker spaniel. He didn’t know how to make it bowwow, Because it didn’t come with a manual. THERE once was a man from Peru, Who found a small mouse in his stew. Said the waiter, “Don’t shout, and wave it about. For the rest will want one of them, too.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Pretty Nutty Equation ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IF YOU had 12 piñon nuts in one hand and 13 piñon nuts in the other hand, what would you have? A difference of a piñon. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Get Even More Laughs! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SIGN UP for the humor newsletter “Laugh Lines,” packed with the hilarity you love from Reader’s Digest. You’ll get jokes and colorful cartoons—plus learn how you can get paid for your own funny stories! To subscribe, click here. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=842&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And Send The Fish COD ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CUSTOMER: How much is that bird in the window? Clerk: $5. Customer: I’ll take it. Will you send me the bill? Clerk: The bill comes with the bird. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There’s Clearly a Country Connection ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ YOU KNOW you live in the country when… • Your closet consists of dress jeans for formal occasions and grungy jeans for everyday work. • The main topic of conversation is which breed of bull to buy next season. • You prefer the fragrance of fresh-baled hay to the most expensive brand of perfume. • You don’t have to buy fertilizer for your garden or flower beds. • There’s more cattle medicine in your refrigerator than food. • You get a tractor for Mother’s Day. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Be Careful What You Ask for ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ JOHN AND MARY, each 50 years old, had lived on the same farm since they were married 25 years ago. They never left the place except to go to town for supplies. As they were celebrating their silver anniversary, a fairy appeared and told them she would grant them each one wish. Mary said, “I’ve always wanted to travel around the world.” The fairy waved her magic wand and immediately Mary had all the tickets in her hand for a trip around the world. The fairy turned to John and asked him what his wish would be. He hesitated, then said shyly, “I’d like to have a woman 30 years younger than I am.” The fairy again waved her magic wand, and John was 80 years old. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Raise Sheep on the Cheap ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DECORATE your lawn with this charming set of three sheep ornaments and your neighbors will flock to admire them. Each has a ribbon and bell around its neck and 3-3/4-in. long stakes for stability. You get a black sheep and white sheep (11 in. long by 16 in. high each), and a larger white sheep (20 in. long by 13 in. high). Order Set of 3 Lawn Sheep from Country Store On-line. http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/rd.asp?id=2023&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Featured Item from Country Store ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ceramic Cow Wind Chime http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=2024&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THIS NEWSLETTER is from the editors of some of your favorite magazines, including... COUNTRY is your "window" to spectacular scenery and friendly folks. If you live in the country...or wish you did, then this is your magazine. To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=835&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=834&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ REMINISCE takes you on a pleasant stroll down memory lane. Written by its readers, each issue is packed with page after page of personal memories and heartwarming nostalgia. To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=838&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=839&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COUNTRY WOMAN puts you "in touch" with other women who love country living as much as you do. Enjoy recipes, decorating, crafting and more! To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=841&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=840&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This email was sent to: $$email$$ HAVE A FRIEND who enjoys good clean fun? Feel free to forward this newsletter! If this newsletter was forwarded to you, please use this link to sign up for yourself. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=832&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Please do not reply to this message to unsubscribe. If you do not want to receive further editions of this Laugh Letter, please use this link to unsubscribe. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=831&email=$$email$$&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$&OptID=38 If you would like to change or edit your email preferences, please visit your Personal Preferences page. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=830&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To learn more about Reiman Media Group’s use of personal information, please read our Privacy Policy. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=829&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Copyright 2006 Reiman Media Group, Inc. All rights reserved. 5400 S. 60th St., P.O. Box 991, Greendale WI 53129-0991 1-800/344-6913 © Copyright 2006 Reiman Media Group, Inc.