NOTE--To see an on-line version of this newsletter, copy this link and paste it into your web browser: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=797&firstname=$$firstname$$&emailaddress=$$email$$&refurl=$$refurl-link$$ Please do not reply to this email. If you have questions or wish to unsubscribe, see the instructions at the bottom of this email. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Laugh Letter - February 2006 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear $$firstname$$, Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. The last of the chocolates in that 5-pound box you got for Valentine’s Day may be getting a little stale now, but they’re still fresh compared with some of the groaners below. At least you know what you’re getting here, without having to take a bite first to see what’s inside! --> A Cheesy Romance? --> Has Plenty of Pull --> Danger Lurks Below --> Stating Their Case --> Wood You Like Some Milk? --> He Got the Itch --> It’s a Hairy Problem --> Get Even More Laughs! --> Speak Up, I Can’t See You --> Order the Moon Pie --> Cat Dresses Up for Company ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Cheesy Romance? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A YOUNG LADY was dating two men—a dairy farmer and a poet. She had trouble deciding if she should marry for butter or for verse. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Has Plenty of Pull ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A SALESMAN drove his car into a ditch in a rural area. Luckily, a farmer came to his aid with his big strong horse, “Buddy.” He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy did not move. Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Again, Buddy just stood there. Next, the farmer ordered, “Pull, Coco, pull!” Still, Buddy didn’t budge. Finally, the farmer yelled, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” The big horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The salesman thanked the farmer and then asked, “Why did you call your horse by the wrong name three times?” The farmer grinned. “Buddy’s blind,” he answered. “If he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Danger Lurks Below ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ENTERING a little country store, a stranger noticed a sign that read, “DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!” Inside, he saw a harmless old hound asleep on the floor near the cash register. He asked the owner, “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” “Yep,” the owner answered. “That’s him.” The stranger couldn’t help being amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me,” he said with a chuckle. “Why did you decide to post that sign?” “Because,” the owner replied, “before I posted it, people kept tripping over him.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Knock, Knock. Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in! It's cold outside. Come in from the cold and start thinking warm thoughts—plan your summer vacation with World Wide Country Tours! When you reserve your spot by February 28, 2006, you'll save $50 per person on any of our 2006 tours! Travel by train, boat or motorcoach to exciting destinations like: United States...Relax on the Big Sky Country Tour—Country Magazine’s 20th Anniversary Editor’s Choice—or tour Around Lake Michigan, World Wide Country Tours' longest-running tour. http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1584&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Canada...Watch the action at the finals of the Calgary Stampede rodeo...or visit captivating Nova Scotia & Prince Edward Island. http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1585&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Europe...Experience unique cultures, traditions and history in Germany, Switzerland and Austria...or take in the Wonders of Iceland’s breathtaking beauty. http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1586&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Save An Additional $200! PLUS... Don’t miss your last chance to save an additional $200 per person on the Alaska & the Yukon tour when you reserve by February 28, 2006. Visit our website for complete itineraries and to make reservations. Be sure to mention Promotion Code TL21 to claim this special $50 travel savings. http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1583&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Hurry, savings ends February 28, 2006. Exclusive Tour Operator for Reiman Publications Company http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1583&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ 1-800/344-6918 5939 Country Lane, Greendale WI 53129-1429 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Stating Their Case ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TWO GUYS were bragging about their home states. The first was from Texas. “Our strawberries are so huge that it takes a team of mules to pull one off the vine,” he boasted. The second guy retorted, “That’s nothing! In Iowa, where I’m from, we grow corn so tall that we have to climb the stalks at night just to let the moon pass by!” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wood You Like Some Milk? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SOME small farmers never get board with showing off their dairy herd. See what we mean http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=792&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ He Got the Itch ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HAVE YOU heard about the farmer who came up with an idea for a new crop? His plan is to cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover. He figures he’ll have a rash of good luck. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It’s a Hairy Problem ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE FOREMAN in a widget factory noticed one of his workers walk out of the plant in the middle of his shift without punching the time clock. When the worker returned an hour later, the foreman asked him where he’d been. “I went to get a haircut,” the fellow answered, gesturing to his head. “You can’t get your hair cut on company time!” the foreman said. “Why not?” the worker asked. “It grows on company time.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Get Even More Laughs! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SIGN UP for the humor newsletter “Laugh Lines,” packed with the hilarity you love from Reader’s Digest. You’ll get jokes and colorful cartoons—plus learn how you can get paid for your own funny stories! To subscribe, click here. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=791&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Speak Up, I Can’t See You ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You know you’re growing older when: • Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work. • The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals. • You feel like the morning after the night before, but you haven’t been anywhere. • Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D. • You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions. • You sit in a rocking chair, but can’t get it going. • Your knees buckle, but your belt won’t. • Your back goes out more than you do. • You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there. • The only whistles you get are from your hearing aids. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Order the Moon Pie ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DID YOU KNOW about a restaurant the astronauts discovered on the moon? The food was good, but the place didn’t have much atmosphere. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cat Dresses Up for Company ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ STANDING proudly by your door or on a table, “Caroline” Cat greets your visitors with feline friendliness. She comes with six dresses and purse outfits for your favorite holidays and seasons: Valentine’s Day, Easter, Spring, Fourth of July, Halloween and Christmas. Hand-painted polyresin; 12-5/8 inches high. Order the Dress-a-Cat with Six Outfits from Country Store On-line. Order Dress-a-Cat with Six Outfits from Country Store On-line. http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/rd.asp?id=1988&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Featured Item from Country Store ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Funniest Moments of the Century Six-DVD Set http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=1989&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THIS NEWSLETTER is from the editors of some of your favorite magazines, including... COUNTRY is your "window" to spectacular scenery and friendly folks. If you live in the country...or wish you did, then this is your magazine. To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=799&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=798&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COUNTRY DISCOVERIES is for folks who love to explore scenic "off-the-beaten-path" places. Discover charming small towns...home-style eateries...cozy inns and more. It’s perfect for planning your next getaway! To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=800&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=801&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ REMINISCE takes you on a pleasant stroll down memory lane. Written by its readers, each issue is packed with page after page of personal memories and heartwarming nostalgia. To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=802&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=803&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COUNTRY WOMAN puts you "in touch" with other women who love country living as much as you do. Enjoy recipes, decorating, crafting and more! To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=805&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=804&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This email was sent to: $$email$$ HAVE A FRIEND who enjoys good clean fun? Feel free to forward this newsletter! If this newsletter was forwarded to you, please use this link to sign up for yourself. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=796&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Please do not reply to this message to unsubscribe. If you do not want to receive further editions of this Laugh Letter, please use this link to unsubscribe. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=795&email=$$email$$&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$&OptID=38 If you would like to change or edit your email preferences, please visit your Personal Preferences page. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=794&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To learn more about Reiman Media Group’s use of personal information, please read our Privacy Policy. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=793&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Copyright 2006 Reiman Media Group, Inc. All rights reserved. 5400 S. 60th St., P.O. Box 991, Greendale WI 53129-0991 1-800/344-6913 © Copyright 2006 Reiman Media Group, Inc.