NOTE--To see an on-line version of this newsletter, copy this link and paste it into your web browser: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=766&firstname=$$firstname$$&emailaddress=$$email$$&refurl=$$refurl-link$$ Please do not reply to this email. If you have questions or wish to unsubscribe, see the instructions at the bottom of this email. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Laugh Letter - January 2006 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear $$firstname$$, Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. Since almost everybody has resolved to slim down and tone up for the new year, we’ve developed the Laugh Letter Exercise Plan. It’s simple—just take a deep breath prior to reading each gag below, hold it while reading, then let it out with a good, healthy laugh. After you’re all finished, sit down and eat a candy bar for some energy. » The Power of Prayer » A Simpler Solution? » Nothing Fishy Here » Soooeee-t Dreams » There’s an Eyewitness » Just a Fleeting Memory » Cattle Prod » Get Even More Laughs! » And Rome Burned » Maybe It’s the Float » Quotable Quotes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Power of Prayer ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A SMALL BOY badly wanted a baby brother, so his dad suggested he pray every night for one. The boy prayed earnestly, night after night, but his prayers seemingly weren’t answered. After a few weeks, he didn’t bother to ask anymore. Some months later, his dad said they were going to see Mom in the hospital and he was going to get a big surprise. When they got to the room, the little boy saw his mother holding two babies. “Well, what do you think about having twin brothers?” his dad asked. The little boy thought for a moment and replied, “I bet you’re glad I stopped praying when I did.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Want to know what else makes perfect “cents”? Joining our friends at World Wide Country Tours as they travel to some of these spectacular destinations...AND saving $100 per person on any tour! Save BIG when you travel by rail, cruise or motorcoach on exciting vacations like: » Alaska & the Yukon http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1536&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ » River Barging Summer Celebration http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1537&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ » Around Lake Michigan http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1538&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ » Grand Canyon and Red Rock Country http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1539&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ » Canadian Rockies Rail Adventure http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1535&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ PLUS... embark on these other exciting tours: » Scandinavia http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1533&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ » Ireland, the Emerald Isle http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1534&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Remember, as a Laugh Letter subscriber, you’re entitled to $100 off per person on any tour! But you must hurry as these savings end January 31, 2005. » Visit our website for complete itineraries and to make reservations. Be sure to mention Promotion Code LL17 to claim your special subscriber savings. http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1532&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ World Wide Country Tours Exclusive Tour Operator of Reiman Publications 1-800/344-6918 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Simpler Solution? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LITTLE Billy’s kindergarten class went on a field trip to the local police station. They saw a bulletin board with photos of the FBI’s 10 most-wanted criminals. Billy pointed to one of the photos and asked the officer if that person was really a most-wanted criminal. “He certainly is,” answered the officer. Billy replied, “Then why didn’t you just keep him when you took his picture?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nothing Fishy Here ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A FARMER spotted a city fellow fishing in his pond and pointed out the big sign nearby that read NO FISHING HERE! The disgusted fisherman nodded. “Whoever put that sign up really knew what he was talking about. I haven’t had even a nibble all morning.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Soooeee-t Dreams ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THOSE high-tech “space foam” mattresses have become mighty popular, but country kids can sleep sow-ndly without ’em. To see what we mean, Visit: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=761&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There’s an Eyewitness ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LATE ONE NIGHT, a man driving along a dark country road heard a big thud and knew he’d hit something. He stopped and got out to look but didn’t see anything. The next morning, the sheriff came to his home. “You’re under arrest,” the officer said. “You hit a pig with your car last night.” “Now how in the world do you know that?” the man asked. The sheriff replied without hesitation, “The pig squealed.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Just a Fleeting Memory ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THREE ELDERLY MEN were bemoaning memory losses they were experiencing. The first said, “I forget whether I’ve had lunch at the cafe or if I’m just getting ready to go there.” The second joined in, “When I’m holding a jar of sandwich spread, I don’t know if I should put it back in the refrigerator or make a sandwich.” The third piped up, “Friends, I’m sure glad I don’t have your problems…knock on wood.” As he did this, he said, “Oh, someone’s knocking at the door. I’ll get it.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cattle Prod ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A YOUNG MAN in love with a pretty young lady wanted to impress her, so he took her to his farm to show her his large herd of cattle. When they got to the pasture, they noticed two cattle with their noses pressed together as if they were kissing. “I sure would like to do that,” said the young man as he moved a little closer to the girl. “Go ahead,” she answered. “They’re your cattle.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Get Even More Laughs! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SIGN UP for the humor newsletter “Laugh Lines,” packed with the hilarity you love from Reader’s Digest. You’ll get jokes and colorful cartoons—plus learn how you can get paid for your own funny stories! To subscribe, visit: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=760&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And Rome Burned ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A MAN at a railroad station got bored waiting for his train, so he helped himself to a fortune cookie from a nearby tray. The paper strip from inside the cookie read: You will play a fiddle very soon. The man scoffed. He had played the fiddle years before but no longer even owned one. Just then, another man came by and handed him a fiddle, saying, “Will you watch this while I get my luggage?” He did, and he couldn’t resist playing a tune while waiting for the other man to return. When the man came back and took his fiddle, the first man chuckled. “Well, that fortune came true,” he said, “but it will never happen again.” With that, he took another fortune cookie, opened it and read: "While you were fiddling around, you missed your train." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Maybe It’s the Float ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A WIFE walked into the house and told her husband, “There’s water in the carburetor.” “You don’t know the difference between a carburetor and a generator,” he huffed. “Where’s the car?” She shrugged. “At the bottom of the lake.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Quotable Quotes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THIS new softcover book celebrates 50 years of wit and wisdom from one of the most popular features in Reader’s Digest magazine. Quotable Quotes is packed with the inspirational thoughts, wise advice and humorous observations of famous folks from Abraham Lincoln to Ann Landers. This 216-page collection measures 5-1/4 in. by 7-1/4 in. Order Quotable Quotes from Country Store On-line. http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/rd.asp?id=1962&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Featured Item from Country Store ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Comedy” CD Set http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=1963&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THIS NEWSLETTER is from the editors of some of your favorite magazines, including... COUNTRY is your "window" to spectacular scenery and friendly folks. If you live in the country...or wish you did, then this is your magazine. To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=767&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=770&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COUNTRY DISCOVERIES is for folks who love to explore scenic "off-the-beaten-path" places. Discover charming small towns...home-style eateries...cozy inns and more. It’s perfect for planning your next getaway! To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=768&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=769&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ REMINISCE takes you on a pleasant stroll down memory lane. Written by its readers, each issue is packed with page after page of personal memories and heartwarming nostalgia. To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=771&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=772&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COUNTRY WOMAN puts you "in touch" with other women who love country living as much as you do. Enjoy recipes, decorating, crafting and more! To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=773&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=774&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This email was sent to: $$email$$ HAVE A FRIEND who enjoys good clean fun? Feel free to forward this newsletter! If this newsletter was forwarded to you, please use this link to sign up for yourself. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=765&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Please do not reply to this message to unsubscribe. 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