NOTE--To see an on-line version of this newsletter, copy this link and paste it into your web browser: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=638&firstname=$$firstname$$&emailaddress=$$email$$&refurl=$$refurl-link$$ Please do not reply to this email. If you have questions or wish to unsubscribe, see the instructions at the bottom of this email. Dear $$firstname$$, Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. Now that the kids are back in school, we decided to surprise you with a little quiz. Here's the question: What do you read when you want only the most grown-up, literate, high-quality humor? If you answered "Laugh Letter," print this page, roll it into a pointy hat and go sit in a corner! --> Y’all Come Back, Hear? --> Money Talks --> Qualified Applicant --> Quit Hoggin’ the Pool! --> The Bear Necessities --> Only Time Will Tell --> Get Even More Laughs! --> Head Is in the Clouds --> Come Watson, The Tent Is Afoot! --> Ever Try to Dress a Cow? --------------------------------------- Y'all Come Back, Hear? A NEW YORKER went to visit a friend down South, and they stopped in a neighborhood restaurant for breakfast. When the waitress asked the New Yorker what he wanted, he replied, "Eggs fried in olive oil and a whole wheat bagel with low-fat cream cheese, please." The waitress jotted this down and then asked, "Hominy grits?" "I'm not sure," the New Yorker admitted. He turned to his friend and asked, "How many grits should I order?" --------------------------------------- FREE Hotel Night Up To $150.00! From World Wide Country Tours Hurry and receive a FREE additional hotel night in the U.S. or Canadian city where your 2006 World Wide Country Tours vacation begins or ends. Limited Time Offer. Hurry, offer expires October 31st or while supplies last! 2006 itineraries now available, visit: http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1304&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Hurry and reserve your vacation today! To claim your BONUS HOTEL NIGHT Call us Toll Free at 1-800/344-6918, or visit http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1303&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Be sure to mention promotion code LL13 when you make your reservation to receive your FREE night. Offer valid on any 2006 Tour. Cannot be combined with any other offers. Hotel selections provided by World Wide Country Tours. World Wide Country Tours Exclusive Tour Operator of Reiman Publications 1-800/344-6918 --------------------------------------- Money Talks A one-, ten- and twenty-dollar bill were talking to each other. The one asked the twenty what kind of life he had. The twenty replied he had a pretty good life, as he spent a lot of time in nice restaurants and shopping malls. The one asked the ten the same question. He said he didn't frequent places quite as fancy as the twenty, but he also had a good life. Then the ten and twenty asked the one about his life. "I never get to go anywhere," the one answered. "I spend all of my time in the collection plate at church." --------------------------------------- Qualified Applicant A LARGE COMPANY needed a new employee. The owner put this sign on the door: ";Help wanted. Must be able to type, use a computer and speak at least two languages." After a while, a dog entered the office and went to the receptionist's desk. The dog barked and pointed to the sign, but the receptionist said they couldn't hire him. He barked and pointed again to the sign, so the receptionist got the owner of the company. When the owner saw the dog, he said, "I'm sorry, but we can't hire you." The dog barked and pointed to the sign another time, so the owner asked the dog if he could type. The dog went to the typewriter and typed a letter. The owner read it and then asked the dog if he could use a computer. The dog went to a computer and operated a spreadsheet program. "That's wonderful," the owner said. "But we still can't hire you. We really need someone who can speak two languages." The dog pointed to the sign and said, "Meow." --------------------------------------- Quit Hoggin' the Pool! THE TROUBLE with having a swimming pool in your backyard is that friends and neighbors are always stopping in for a dip. To see what we mean, Visit: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=636&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ --------------------------------------- The Bear Necessities A VERY religious man frequently hiked in the mountains to a secluded area to pray and meditate. One day, as he was heading to his favorite spot, he stumbled and tumbled down the slope. Upon checking himself, he was thankful to find nothing seriously wrong, just scrapes and bruises. When he looked around to see where he was, he saw a bear watching him. The man began praying, "Please, Lord, let this be a Christian bear. Please, Lord, let this be a Christian bear..." Then he heard the bear say, "Thank you, Lord, for the bounty you have provided today." --------------------------------------- Only Time Will Tell IT WAS early morning and a lady had just opened her garage sale. A neighbor from down the road came running past on his morning jog and stopped to look at the wares. He spotted a beautiful grandfather clock with an unbelievable price of just $50. So he told his neighbor he’d buy it. "Will you be returning with your pickup truck to take it home?" the lady asked. "Oh, no," he replied. "I'm strong and live only three houses down. I'll just carry it." He squatted down and hoisted the heavy clock onto his back, then walked slowly toward his home. Suddenly, a youngster on a skateboard came roaring from the opposite direction and collided with the man. Bang! Clang! Crack! The clock crashed to the ground. "Can't you watch where you're going?" the man yelled at the youngster. The youngster replied, "Can't you wear a wristwatch like everyone else?" --------------------------------------- Get Even More Laughs! SIGN UP for the humor newsletter "Laugh Lines," packed with the hilarity you love from Reader's Digest. You'll get jokes and colorful cartoons--plus learn how you can get paid for your own funny stories! To subscribe, Visit: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=652&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ --------------------------------------- Head Is in the Clouds A MAN from California was traveling cross-country by hot-air balloon. Somewhere over the Ozarks, he became lost in the clouds and descended until he was floating over a small cabin. He spotted a hillbilly standing there and yelled to him, "Hey, mister, can you tell me where I am?" The hillbilly shouted back, "You think you're pretty tricky, but you can't fool me. You're up there in that little basket." --------------------------------------- Come Watson, The Tent Is Afoot! THE great detective Sherlock Holmes and his companion Dr. Watson were on a camping trip. As they bedded down for the night, Holmes said, "Watson, look up in the sky and tell me what you see." Watson answered, "I see millions and millions of stars." "And what does that tell you?" Holmes continued. Watson answered, "Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets...theologically, it tells me God is great, and that we are small and insignificant...meteorologically, it tells me tomorrow will be a beautiful day. What does it tell you, Holmes?" "Someone stole our tent." --------------------------------------- Ever Try to Dress a Cow? MILK the spirit of each season for all it's worth with "Claudette" Cow. She comes with six hat and cape outfits for Christmas, Spring, St. Patrick’s Day, Fourth of July, Halloween and Thanksgiving. She's hand-painted on detailed polyresin, 9-1/2 inches long, 5-1/4 inches wide and 8 inches high. Order Dress-a-Cow with Six Outfits from Country Store On-line. http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/rd.asp?id=1718&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ --------------------------------------- Featured Item from Country Store: Sneezing Tissue Box Cover http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=1719&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ THIS NEWSLETTER is from the editors of some of your favorite magazines, including... Country is your ”window“ to spectacular scenery and friendly folks. If you live in the country...or wish you did, then this is your magazine. To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=637&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=649&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Country Discoveries is for folks who love to explore scenic “off-the-beaten-path” places. Discover charming small towns…home-style eateries…cozy inns and more. It’s perfect for planning your next getaway! To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=643&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=644&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Reminisce takes you on a pleasant stroll down memory lane. Written by its readers, each issue is packed with page after page of personal memories and heartwarming nostalgia. To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=645&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=644&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Country Woman puts you “in touch” with other women who love country living as much as you do. Enjoy recipes, decorating, crafting and more! To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=647&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=648&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ------------------------------ This email was sent to: $$email$$ HAVE A FRIEND who enjoys good clean fun? Feel free to forward this newsletter! If this newsletter was forwarded to you, please use this link to sign up for yourself. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=639&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Please do not reply to this message to unsubscribe. 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