NOTE--To see an on-line version of this newsletter, copy this link and paste it into your web browser: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=588&firstname=$$firstname$$&emailaddress=$$email$$&refurl=$$refurl-link$$ Please do not reply to this email. If you have questions or wish to unsubscribe, see the instructions at the bottom of this email. Dear $$firstname$$, Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. The "dog days of summer" are approaching, and we're here to help you prepare. Simply read through the flea-bitten gags below, and you'll be howling like a hound! (When you're finished, you may want to bury this newsletter in the backyard.) --> A Gaggle of Groaners --> Temperature’s Rising --> Tater Talk --> Cabbage Patch Kid? --> Listen to the Doctor --> Test of Strength --> Not Bottle Babies --> Something Smells Fishy? --> Client Confusion --> Birds Love this Cat! --------------------------------------- A Gaggle of Groaners WE'VE SAVED UP a bunch of gags that are too short to share one at a time. Here they are together in a bunch...read 'em and weep! * Why did the rooster cross the road? To prove he wasnt chicken. * What is the difference between a New York baseball fan and a dentist? One roots for the Yanks and the other yanks for the roots. * Why did it take Moses 40 years to reach the Promised Land? Like most men, he didnt take time to stop and ask for directions. * What happened to the mosquito flying near the cows in the barn? It flew in one ear and out the udder. * Why would a dog eat garlic every day? Because he wants his bark to be worse than his bite. * What do Mr. and Mrs. Buffalo say to their boy as he leaves for school each day? Bi-son. * Why does the church organist have to be careful after volunteering to fill in for the janitor who went on vacation? Because now she has to mind her keys and pews. --------------------------------------- What do you call an "emergency TV weather bulletin" warning folks of an approaching lightning storm? A Hot News Flash! Here's another hot news flash...the "Hot Deals" on World Wide Country Tours' Vacations! Book now and receive up to $100 savings on select trips like these: Autumn In New England http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1215&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Germany, Switzerland & Austria http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1215&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Canadian Rockies Railway Adventure http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1215&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Hurry! Offer valid on specific departure dates. Savings is per person and applies only to a limited number of seats so reserve today! Mention promotion code LL11 when making your reservation to receive savings. Offer cannot be combined with other offers. http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1215&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ World Wide Country Tours A Reiman Publications Company 1-800/344-6918 --------------------------------------- Temperature’s Rising TWO good ol' boys were discussing the summer heat. "It's been so hot at my place that I've had to give my chickens shaved ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs," said one. "That's nothin'," said the other. "This morning I saw my dog chasing a jackrabbit up the road, and they were both walking." --------------------------------------- Tater Talk A FRIEND who owns a store in town decided to try his hand at gardening. He planted potatoes and spent a lot of time nurturing his plants. Come harvest, he had an excellent crop--in fact, some of the potatoes were so large he decided to display them in his storefront window. A passerby saw the huge vegetables and came inside to ask if he could buy a bushel of those potatoes. "I can't sell you a bushel," the owner replied. "I'm not cutting one of my potatoes in half for anyone!" --------------------------------------- Cabbage Patch Kid? YOUR PARENTS may have told you that babies come from the cabbage patch, but that's not always the case. See waht we mean: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=587&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ --------------------------------------- Listen to the Doctor HANK SMITH became so ill his wife, Lizzie, sent for the doctor. When Hank heard the doc enter the house, he closed his eyes and didn't move. Doc looked him over and declared in a loud voice, "Why, this man's dead!" At that, Hank's eyes flew open and he yelled at the doctor, "I ain't dead!" Lizzie hushed him up. "Now, Hank, you be quiet," she scolded. "Doc knows a lot more about these things than you do." --------------------------------------- Test of Strength BILL THE BRAGGER was at the county fair telling anyone who would listen about his athletic prowess. No one would challenge him until a stranger piped up. "I'll wager you $50 I can push something in a wheelbarrow for 20 yards and you won't be able to wheel it back," the stranger said. Bill looked at the skinny fellow and decided it wasn't much of a challenge. "I'll take you on," he replied. They borrowed a wheelbarrow and took it to the starting point. "Let's see what you're made of," Bill taunted. "Okay," the stranger answered matter-of-factly. "Get in." --------------------------------------- Not Bottle Babies THREE MEN were in the hospital waiting room. The nurse came in and said, "Mr. Brown, you are now the father of twins." Mr. Brown grinned. "How about that--I work for the Minnesota Twins." A little later, the nurse came back and said, "Mr. Green, you are the father of triplets." Mr. Green beamed. "Well wouldn't you just know it," he said. "I work for 3M." When the nurse came back again, the third guy turned white and passed out. Mr. Brown and Mr. Green carried him to a sofa, and the nurse revived him. "Are you all right?" she asked. "I'm not sure," the fellow admitted. "You see, I work at the 7-Up bottling plant!" --------------------------------------- Something Smells Fishy DID YOU HEAR about the man who fashions purses out of dried fish skins? He's the only guy we know of who's in the business of carp to carp walleting. --------------------------------------- Client Confusion A FARMER went to see an attorney about getting a divorce, and the following discussion took place. Attorney: "Well, do you have grounds?" Farmer: "Yes, I have about 140 acres." Attorney: "No, you dont understand. Do you have a case?" Farmer: "No, but I have a John Deere." Attorney: "You still dont understand. I mean, do you have a grudge?" Farmer: "Yes, sir--thats where I keep my John Deere." Attorney: "No, no! I mean do you have a suit?" Farmer: "Yes, sir--I wear it to church every Sunday." Attorney: "Well, does your wife beat you up?" Farmer: "No, sir. We both get up at 4:30." Attorney: "All right, all right. Let me put it this way. Why do you want a divorce?" Farmer: "Well, I never have been able to have a meaningful conversation with that woman." --------------------------------------- Birds Love this Cat! LET our fun, swingin Cat Decorative Birdhouse liven up your garden! This hand-painted poly resin birdhouse comes pre-attached to a continuous twine swing rope for hanging. Its 7 inches long by 5 inches wide by 8-1/2 inches high with a 1-1/4 diameter hole. Hangs 33 with twine. Order Cat Decorative Birdhouse from Country Store On-line. http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=1638&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ --------------------------------------- Featured Item from Country Store: John Deere Tic-Tac-Toe Game http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=1637&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ THIS NEWSLETTER is from the editors of some of your favorite magazines, including... Country is your ”window“ to spectacular scenery and friendly folks. If you live in the country...or wish you did, then this is your magazine. To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=599&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=586&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Country Discoveries is for folks who love to explore scenic “off-the-beaten-path” places. Discover charming small towns…home-style eateries…cozy inns and more. It’s perfect for planning your next getaway! To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=593&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=594&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Reminisce takes you on a pleasant stroll down memory lane. Written by its readers, each issue is packed with page after page of personal memories and heartwarming nostalgia. To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=595&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=596&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Country Woman puts you “in touch” with other women who love country living as much as you do. Enjoy recipes, decorating, crafting and more! To subscribe or give a gift on-line: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=597&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ To visit our website: http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=598&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ ------------------------------ Last Chance for a Colorful Fall Foliage Getaway! Capture the Colors of Autumn in New Englandand and SAVE $100.00! Mention Promotion Code LL11 to Receive Savings Visit Country Tours: http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=1217&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ World Wide Country Tours A Reiman Publications Company 1-800/344-6918 --------------------------------------- This email was sent to: $$email$$ HAVE A FRIEND who enjoys good clean fun? Feel free to forward this newsletter! If this newsletter was forwarded to you, please use this link to sign up for yourself. http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=589&pmcode=$$refurl-link$$ Please do not reply to this message to unsubscribe. 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