Dear $$firstname$$,

The Mane Event

NO MATTER how hard he tried, Uncle Fred couldn’t discourage a pair of sparrows from trying to build a nest in his horse’s mane. Every evening, he’d brush out the twigs and grass, but the next morning, the sparrows would be at it again. He didn’t want to harm either his horse or the birds, so he sought the advice of his wise friend Sol.

Sol, who had quite a collection of home-style remedies, suggested that Uncle Fred sprinkle some brewer’s yeast into the horse’s mane. Uncle Fred didn’t see how the brewer’s yeast could help—after all, this wasn’t a flea problem. But he tried it anyway.

Sure enough, it worked! The next morning, The horse’s mane was free of twigs, and the sparrows were building their nest in a nearby tree. When asked what made this odd remedy work, Sol replied with a smile, “Well…yeast is yeast and west is west, and never the mane shall tweet.”

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What do the elves use to make emergency repairs to Santa’s sleigh garage during the busy holiday season?

Igloo!

Do you need a “quick fix” to get you in the holiday mood? There’s no better way to put yourself in the Yuletide spirit than on a festive holiday tour. Here are some wonderful ways to celebrate this holiday season:

• Christmas in November
• Rose Parade Holiday
• Old-World Christmas Markets
• Branson Music Holiday

Hurry, book your holiday tour now! Visit World Wide Country Tours today for all the tour details!

1-800/344-6918

Forgive Us Our Trespasses

A RURAL CLERGYMAN had to make a trip into the big city and ended up parking his car in a “No Parking” zone. He attached the following message to his windshield: “I have circled this block 10 times. I have an appointment to keep. Forgive us our trespasses.”

When he returned to his car, he found a ticket with this reply: “I have circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket, I lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.”

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Seeing Is Believing

DID YOU HEAR about the optometrist who fell into his lens grinder?

He made a spectacle of himself.

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Fish Story with a Bang

THERE WAS a man who fished every day and always came back with a good catch. Eventually, the game warden decided this guy must be doing something illegal. So the warden put on old clothes and made friends with the man. “I’ve noticed you always catch fish,” the warden said. “Can I go out with you?” The fisherman shrugged. “Sure,” he replied. “See you here at 5 a.m. tomorrow.”

The next day, they went fishing together. The fisherman steered his boat into a remote part of the lake, then stopped. He opened his tackle box, took out a stick of dynamite, lit the fuse and threw it into the water. After it went off, dozens of stunned fish floated to the surface.

The warden was astounded. “I caught you red-handed,” he said. “I’m the game warden, and you’re under arrest.” The fisherman said nothing. He reached into his tackle box, took out another stick of dynamite, lit the fuse and handed it to the warden. The fisherman then asked him, “You going to talk or fish?”

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Writing Is on the Wall

ONE DAY Mom discovered some writing in crayon on the wall. She asked the kids who did it. “Not me,” said the 6-year-old. “I write better than that.” The 5-year-old shook his head. “Not me,” he said. “I don’t write that good.”

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Home Business Makes a Splash

HERE’S an exciting new home-business opportunity—catfish farming. You just set up a pool and wait for ’em to jump in!

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Flap Your Arms

AN OLD MAN who had lived way back in the hills for all of his 75 years took his first airplane ride, a rather lengthy flight to the West Coast. About 15 minutes into the flight, the captain announced that they had lost an engine and would arrive 30 minutes behind schedule. Not long after that, the captain announced that they had lost a second engine and would now be an hour and 15 minutes late.

By this time, the passengers were getting nervous and beginning to worry. Things got really bad when the captain announced that a third engine had quit and they would be 2 hours and 40 minutes behind schedule. Now the passengers began to panic. Amid the screams and cries, the old man muttered, “You know, if we lose another engine, we’re going to be up here all night.”

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Who Crossed the Road?

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
This answer may not be a winner,
But we had an egg for breakfast,
And the chicken not till dinner.

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Aim Carefully

MOTHER was about to put some mothballs in the closet when Junior came into the room. “What are those for?” he asked. “They’re to kill the moths,” Mom replied. “Oh, Mom,” Junior said, “You’ll never hit ‘em with those!”

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Enjoy 6 Hours of Laughs

DOZENS of favorite comedy stars are packed into this six-DVD set, Funniest Moments of the Century . From the classic work of Charlie Chaplin, Mae West and the Marx Brothers to the television antics of Sid Caesar, Jackie Gleason and Lucille Ball, you’ll enjoy 6 hours of nonstop laughs and fond memories of the good old days! Color and black-and-white.

Order Funniest Moments of the Century from Country Store On-line.

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