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Laugh Letter - April 2005

Dear $$firstname$$,

Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. April Fools’ Day is long past, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make fools of ourselves by sending you some silly puns, “daffynitions” and other groaners. You’d be foolish not to share these with family and friends!

Kids Grow like Weeds

Next of Kin

IF Vincent Van Gogh had a bunch of relatives, these might have been their names: His uncle the magician—Wherediddy Gogh. His nephew who drove a stagecoach—Wells Far Gogh. His dizzy sister—Verti Gogh. His obnoxious brother-in-law—Please Gogh. And his great-great-grandniece, the RV dealer? Winnie Bay Gogh.

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Just Kidding, Mom!

DEFINITION of “mixed emotions:” It’s when you see your mother—in—law going over a cliff in your brand—new pickup.

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Sweet Dreams

A PASTOR assured his congregation he was their servant and that they should feel free to call him anytime they had a problem. The pastor’s phone rang at 3 a.m., and an elderly parishioner said, “Pastor, I can’t sleep.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he comforted her. “But what can I do about it?”

“Preach to me awhile,” she replied.

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Kids Grow Like Weeds

SPRING is here, and it’s time to put flowerpots on the patio. Who knows what might come up! To see what we mean, click here.

To see what we mean, click here.

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Riddle Me This…

WHAT’S Irish and comes out in the spring? Answer: Paddy O’ Furniture.

Why couldn’t the pony sing? Answer: Because he was a little hoarse.

Why did the three-legged dog return to Dodge City? Answer: To find the fella who shot his paw.

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With Age Comes Wisdom

AN ELDERLY MAN was walking down a country lane with his college-age grandson when a frog jumped out and told the old man, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”

The old man picked up the frog and put it in his shirt pocket. “Why didn’t you kiss it?” his grandson inquired. “At my age,” the man replied, “I’d rather have a talking frog than a beautiful princess.”

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Sticky Decision

A WOMAN went to the post office to buy stamps. The clerk asked her what denomination she wanted. “My goodness—when did you start this?” the woman exclaimed. “Well…give me 20 Methodist and 20 Presbyterian.”

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These Kids Were Cheap

THE substitute teacher asked a 5-year-old student how many brothers and sisters she had. “Seven,” she answered.

“So many children must cost a lot of money,” the teacher observed. “Oh, no,” the little girl replied. “We don’t buy ’em. We raise ’em.”

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Big Drip

MR. GABLE had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. “When did you first notice the leak?” the repairman inquired.

Mr. Gable scowled. “Last night, when it took me 2 hours to finish my soup!”

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Mustache Tree

Got A Big Tree? Face It!

VISITORS will get a kick out of this friendly polyresin tree “face.” It’s colored to blend in with bark. Simply hang each of the three pieces on nails (not included). Eyes are each 2-1/2 inches long by 4 inches wide and nose/mouth is 6-1/2 inches long by 8 inches wide.

Order the Moustache Tree Face from Country Store On-line.

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