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Laugh Letter - March 2005

Dear $$firstname$$,

Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. With St. Patrick’s Day past and Easter just around the corner, we figured we’d have plenty of luck coming up with a basketful of great gags. Now that we’re done, we’re not so sure we succeeded…guess the yolk’s on us, huh?

The Sands of Time

ACCORDING to an old-timer we know, these are the seven ages of man:

  • • When you’re 20, you want to wake up romantic.
  • • When you’re 30, you want to wake up married.
  • • When you’re 40, you want to wake up successful.
  • • When you’re 50, you want to wake up rich.
  • • When you’re 60, you want to wake up contented.
  • • When you’re 70, you want to wake up healthy.
  • • When you’re 80, you just want to wake up.

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It’s Magic

A COUNTRY BOY and his father were visiting a shopping mall in the big city for the first time. They were amazed at everything they saw—especially two shiny silver walls that mysteriously moved apart and back together again. “What’s that?” the son asked. Never having seen an elevator before, his father replied, “Son, I don’t have a clue.”

Father and son were watching wide-eyed when an elderly lady with a cane slowly hobbled up to the shiny walls. She pressed a button…the walls slid open…she walked into a small room…and the walls closed behind her.

Father and son continued to watch as small circles with numbers in them lit up above the shiny walls. Soon the numbers lit up again, only in reverse order. The walls opened, and a gorgeous young woman stepped out!

At that, the father said, “Son, go get your mother.”

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Hay—It’s the Easter Bunny!

FORGET that chocolate Easter bunny—most barnyard critters prefer a different flavor.

To see what we mean, click here.

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Wrong Church, Wrong Pew

SISTER CATHERINE was teaching her second-grade class at St. Dominic’s School a lesson about the saints. “Can anyone tell me what saint our school is named for?” Sister Catherine asked. In unison the children shouted, “St. Dominic!”

“That’s very good,” Sister Catherine praised her class. “Now can anyone name another school that’s also named after a saint?” A tiny hand shot up and a proud voice answered, “I know, Sister. It’s St. Public.”

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Flunked ‘Baking 101’

A FARMER with very little education scrimped and saved so he could send his son to college. The farmer was very proud that his son was in college, so when the boy came home on vacation during his first year, the farmer asked what he was learning. “History, English and algebra,” the son said.

“Say something in algebra,” the farmer said. Not wanting to disappoint his father, the son said, “Pi R squared.” The farmer gave the boy a disgusted look and said, “You should know better than that. Pie are round. Corn bread are square.”

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More Than He Bargained For

THREE GUYS were out in a boat fishing when one of them hooked a mermaid. The mermaid pleaded for her freedom and promised to grant each of the fishermen a wish if they’d let her go. “It’s a deal,” said the first fisherman. “Double my intelligence.” Immediately, he began to recite Shakespeare’s Macbeth and other classics of literature.

“Wow! That’s cool,” exclaimed the second fisherman. “I’d like my intelligence tripled.” He’d no sooner made the request than he started spouting Einstein’s equations on the theory of relativity.

“That’s awesome!” shouted the third fisherman. “I’d like my intelligence quintupled.” The mermaid scowled. “Are you sure?” she asked. “You may not like the outcome.”

“Yes, I’m sure,” replied the fisherman. “Please quintuple my intelligence.” He closed his eyes to wait for the wish to be granted…and poof—he became a woman!

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Youngster Spouted Off

5-YEAR-OLD Margo was telling her aunt about the family’s vacation to Yellowstone National Park. But as she described the geysers, she couldn’t recall the name of the most famous one.

Margo stared at the ceiling for a moment, then smiled and started singing O Come All Ye Faithful.

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Three Pigs Start Farming

WITH a bit of country humor, our cheerful “pig farmers” reflect your love of rural life as they stand on a table or shelf. Set of three hand-painted figures includes a 4-1/2-inch high pig with a spade, a 6-inch-high pig with a detachable wheelbarrow and a 6-1/2-inch high pig with a shovel. Made of durable polyresin.

To order the Farmer Pigs from Country Store On-line, click here.

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