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Dear $$firstname$$,
Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. To mark two of this month’s holidays—Groundhog Day and Valentine’s Day—we dug up some old gags and put our hearts into polishing them up. Then we remembered President’s Day…and voted to send them along to you!
"Wait for Me!"
This Porker’s a Corker
A FELLOW was driving home down a winding country road on a foggy night when he hit a pig. He pulled the poor critter to the side of the road, then looked around for a farmhouse where he could report the accident. But he couldn’t see anything in the fog, so he drove home.
Shortly after he arrived home, the doorbell rang. When he opened the door, there stood a highway patrolman who asked, “Were you driving on Route 180 a few minutes ago?” The man nodded.
“Did you hit something in the road?” the patrolman inquired. “Yes,” the man confessed. “I hit a pig.”
“Don’t you know it’s illegal to injure an animal and not report it to the owner?” the patrolman said. The man nodded again. “Because of the fog, I couldn’t find a nearby farmhouse where I could report it,” he explained. “By the way, how did you find out about it?”
“The pig squealed,” the officer replied.
What did the FedEx clerk say when the alarm clock shipment finally took off?
Time’s “Up!”
And the same applies to you if you’re looking for a great 2005 travel experience...at a great saving price!
There are only a few days left to Save $50 per person on any 2005 World Wide Country Tours vacation! All it takes is a $250 deposit, but you must reserve by February 28, 2005! Plus there are additional limited-time offers you can combine with this one to SAVE EVEN MORE!
So don’t delay! Click here for complete tour/cruise itinerary and savings information or call 1-800-344-6918. Be sure to mention Promotion Code LL07 to claim your savings.
Exclusive Tour Operator of Reiman Publications
1-800/344-6918
No Fishing, Please!
AN AVID ice fisherman moved a short distance onto the ice and began to chop a hole. Suddenly a voice boomed out from above: “There are no fish in there.”
The man looked around but didn’t see anyone. However, he heeded the advice and moved to a different spot on the ice to chop another hole. Again, he heard the loud voice say: “There are no fish in there.”
The fisherman still couldn’t see anyone. But he accepted the fishing tip and began chopping a third hole farther out. “There are no fish in there,” resounded the voice louder than ever. Still there was no one in sight, and by now, the fisherman was becoming afraid. “Are you God?” he asked meekly.
“No,” the loudspeaker thundered. “I own this skating rink.”
You Gotta Have Heart
VALENTINE’S DAY has already passed, but hearts abound all around.
How Dry Was It?
DURING an extended dry spell, an Idaho rancher came into the coffee shop and said, “Gosh, I sure wish it would rain.”
An old codger at his table nodded. “Yeah—not so much for us, but for the kids. I saw rain once.”
The Bible Tells Him So
IT WAS the custom of a certain farmer to read his Bible while eating lunch at the local cafe. One day a traveling salesman came in and started giving the farmer a hard time. “You don’t really believe all that stuff in there, do you?” the salesman scoffed. “Of course I do,” the farmer assured. “This is the Bible.”
“Well, what about that fellow who was swallowed by a whale?” the salesman chided. The farmer nodded. “You mean Jonah. Yes, I believe that. It’s in the Bible.”
“How do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?” the obnoxious salesman continued. The farmer said, “I don’t rightly know. I guess when I get to Heaven, I’ll ask him.”
“What if he isn’t in Heaven?” the salesman said sarcastically. The farmer shrugged. “Then you can ask him,” he replied.
No Wonder She’s Confused
A YOUNG couple was blessed with a beautiful baby girl. The problem was that they couldn’t agree on what to name the child. The mother called her Carmen, and father called her Cohen.
By the time the poor child was old enough to walk, she didn’t know whether she was Carmen or Cohen.
Swine Dining
TWO BACHELORS were talking, and the subject of cooking came up. “I got a cookbook once,” the first bachelor confessed, “but I never could do anything with it.”
“Were the instructions too difficult?” asked the other.
“You said it. Every one of the recipes started the same way: ’In a clean bowl...‘”
Cyberprayer
MOTHER was teaching the Lord’s Prayer to her 3-year-old daughter. For several evenings at bedtime, the little girl repeated the prayer along with her mother.
Then one night the child told her mom she was ready to recite the Lord’s Prayer alone. Mother listened with pride as her daughter enunciated every word--until she got near the end when she prayed, “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail.”
T-shirts Are Humorously “Tasteful”
TEASE your friends with these T’s! On one, a wide-eyed chicken is sure to tickle a few funny bones. She clucks, “Buffalo wings are made of WHAT?” On the other, a wide-eyed pig squeals, “Bacon is made of WHAT?” Chicken shirt is orange; pig shirt is navy. Both are 100% cotton with a straight bottom.
To order the Buffalo Wings T-shirt from Country Store On-line, click here.
To order the Bacon T-Shirt from Country Store On-line, click here.
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