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<b>Laugh Letter - September 2004</b>


Dear $$firstname$$,

Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. Fall is just around the corner...but when you go around the corner, don't fall over that skateboard the neighbor kid left in your driveway--otherwise, the laughs will be on you! 

**********

<b>Farming Humor </b>

A DOCTOR, a lawyer and a farmer were talking. They noticed a sign on a nearby store advertising that week's multimillion-dollar lottery prize and started contemplating what they could do with that much money. The doctor said he'd buy a huge mansion on a private golf course and play golf every day. The lawyer said he'd purchase a huge yacht and cruise around the world. "And what would you do?" they both asked the farmer. 

"Well," he drawled, "I guess I'd just keep farming until it was all gone." 

**********

<b>Pick of the Crop</b>

SIGN spotted in a flower bed along a rural road: "WEEDS FOR SALE--PICK YOUR OWN."

**********

<b>Cruisin' for a Joke?</b>

SAID the captain to his passengers, “I'd like to welcome you aboard. My name is Smith and I'll be your skipper for as far as we get.” 

All joking aside, there’s no better way to relax, make new friends and enjoy the beauty of America then on an exclusive All-World Wide Country Tours Charter Cruise aboard the first-class River Explorer--America’s only floating hotel barge!

You’re invited to join us on any of three exciting cruises...

> 2 fun-filled <b>Summer Celebration Cruises</b> from Nashville along the majestic Cumberland River.
Visit: <A HREF="http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=703">http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=703</A>


> Our <b>Autumn Adventure Cruise</b> from Cincinnati along the stunning Ohio River at the peak of fall colors. 
Visit: <A HREF="http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=704">http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=704</A>

And as a Laugh Letter subscriber, you’ll Receive $100 in barge bucks to spend on board when you reserve your place (all it takes is a $250 deposit) six months ahead of your departure date. Simply mention the Promotion Code LL02. But hurry! These Exclusive Charter Cruises are among our most popular travel choices and sell out fast every year. 

For complete cruise and savings information visit:
<A HREF="http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=701">http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=701</A>

==========

World Wide Country Tours
Exclusive Tour Operator of Reiman Publications
1-800/344-6918

Visit:
<A HREF="http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=701">http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=701</A>

**********

<b>Still Looking...</b>

JUNIOR was having trouble with some math homework and finally asked his mother, "Will you help me find the common denominator?" 

Mom grinned and said, "They were looking for that thing when I was in school--haven't they found it yet?" 

**********

<b>Bark If You Like Berries</b>

THE "dog days" of summer are over, but some canines still crave warm-weather treats. 

To see what we mean, visit:
<A HREF="http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=421">http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=421</A>

**********

<b>The Truth Hurts</b>

AN OLDER COUPLE on a long car trip stopped for lunch at a roadside restaurant. Later, after they'd been back on the road for a good number of miles, the wife remembered that she'd left her sunglasses on their table at the restaurant. 

Her husband fussed and complained about having to go back, but he quieted down as they neared the restaurant. As he got out of the car, he said in a humble voice, "Well, as long as we're back, I might as well get my hat, too." 

**********

<b>Positive Spin on Dirt</b>

A NEIGHBOR was visiting a friend who had just celebrated her 50th wedding anniversary. While they chatted, the friend's husband came in wearing his work boots and left clods of dirt behind him on a previously spotless kitchen floor. Expecting her friend to be upset, the neighbor said, "His boots certainly do bring in the dirt, don't they?"

The friend smiled as she got out a broom. "Yes," she agreed, "but they bring him in, too." 

**********

<b>Mind Over Matter</b>

AN out-of-towner swerved to avoid a squirrel, and his car slid into a ditch. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big, strong horse, "Buddy". 

The farmer hitched Buddy to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move an inch. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy still didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Cocoa, pull!" Nothing happened.

Then the farmer said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" The horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative, but very curious, too. He asked the farmer why he had called the horse by the wrong name three times. "Animal psychology," the farmer explained. "If Buddy thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try." 


**********

<b>Slow Learner</b>

AN OLDER CARPENTER and his young, inexperienced apprentice were building a small barn. As they were preparing to attach the siding, the chief carpenter showed the young fellow how to hold the boards while nailing them to the studs, then left him on his own. 

After a short while, the chief returned to check up on the lad. He noticed that the youngster was throwing about half the nails he pulled from his apron onto the ground. "Why are you throwing away so many nails?" asked the carpenter. "Well," the young man explained, "sometimes I can't hammer in a nail because when I pull it out of my apron, the head is on the wrong end. So I discard it." 

"You knucklehead!" shouted the chief. "Don't throw away the nails with heads on the wrong ends--they're for the other side of the barn!" 

**********

<b>A New Career</b>

A FARMER and his wife invited the minister to their home for Sunday supper. Following an excellent meal of fried chicken, he saw a rooster come strutting through the yard. "That's certainly a proud-looking rooster," the minister commented. 

"Yes, sir," replied his hostess. "He has reason to be proud--one of his sons just entered the ministry!" 

**********

<b>Pig-ture Perfect Decor!</b>

PLACE "Priscilla" Pig by your door as a friendly greeter or on a table as a whimsical decoration. She comes with six hat and cape outfits for all your favorite holidays and seasonal themes: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas, Spring and Fourth of July. She's hand-painted on detailed poly resin. 11" x 5" x 7".

To order Dress-a-Pig with Six Outfits from Country Store On-line, visit:
<A HREF="http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/rd.asp?id=1121">http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/rd.asp?id=1121</A>

==========

THIS NEWSLETTER is from the editors of some of your favorite magazines, including...

<i>Country Discoveries</i> is for folks who love to explore scenic "off-the-beaten-path" places. Discover charming small towns...home-style eateries...cozy inns and more. It's perfect for planning your next getaway!

To subscribe or give a gift on-line, visit:
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To visit our website, visit:
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----------

<i>Reminisce</i> takes you on a pleasant stroll down memory lane. Written by its readers, each issue is packed with page after page of personal memories and heartwarming nostalgia.

To subscribe or give a gift on-line, visit:
<A HREF="http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=425">http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=425</A>

To visit our website, visit:
<A HREF="http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=426">http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=426</A>

----------

<i>Country Woman</i> puts you "in touch" with other women who love country living as much as you do. Enjoy recipes, decorating, crafting and more!

To subscribe or give a gift on-line, visit:
<A HREF="http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=431">http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=431</A>

To visit our website, visit:
<A HREF="http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=432">http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=432</A>

**********

<b>Country Store Featured Item:</b>

Laughter, the best medicine

Visit:
<A HREF="http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/rd.asp?id=1122">http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/rd.asp?id=1122</A>

**********

World Wide Country Tours
Exclusive Tour Operator of Reiman Publications
1-800/344-6918

For Special Offers visit:
<A HREF="http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=705">http://www.countrytours.com/rd.asp?id=705</A>

**********

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