THIS NEWSLETTER
is from the editors
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Country Discoveries
is for folks who love to explore scenic "off-the-beaten-path"
places. Discover charming small towns...home-style eateries...cozy
inns and more. It's perfect for planning your next getaway!
To subscribe or give a gift on-line,
click here.
To visit our website,
click here. |
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Reminisce takes
you on a pleasant stroll down memory lane. Written by its
readers, each issue is packed with page after page of personal
memories and heartwarming nostalgia.
To subscribe or give a gift on-line,
click here.
To visit our website,
click here. |
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| Dear $$firstname$$,
Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff. Are mosquitoes
bugging you this summer? Tell 'em one of the gags below--the
little blood suckers might die laughing. (If not, just print
out this newsletter, roll it up and give 'em a whack!)
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Cutting Humor
A TEXAS FARMER told his son to drive
over the neighbor's place and ask to borrow his crosscut saw.
"Tell him we need it to cut our watermelons," he added with
a grin.
A while later, the boy returned without the saw. "Sorry, Pop,"
he said. "The neighbor said to tell you he'd send the saw over
for us to use later--as soon as he's finished slicing his cucumbers."
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What Did He Say?
A RETIRED COUPLE, returning from a long trip, stopped at a country
service station some 100 miles from home. The following conversation
ensued:
Elderly attendant: Shall I fill 'er up?
Husband: Yes, please.
Wife (in a screeching voice): What did he say?
Husband: He said, "Shall I fill 'er up?"
Attendant: Shall I check the oil?
Wife (still screeching): What did he say?
Husband (quietly): He said, "Shall I check the oil?"
After the tank was filled, the oil checked and the bill paid,
the attendant came back to give change.
Attendant: Thanks for stopping. Where are you folks from, anyway?
Husband: We live in a town about 100 miles down the highway.
Attendant: I grew up in that town. The most miserable girl I've
ever known lived there.
Wife (in the same tone): What did he say?
Husband: He said he thinks he knows you. |
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Ask and You Shall Receive
TWO FARMERS bumped into one another in a country
store. One asked the other how he managed to raise such a good
crop of sweet potatoes when everyone else's did so poorly from
lack of rain. "It's simple," replied the second farmer,
glancing at the church across the street. "While everyone
else was praying for rain, I was praying for sweet potatoes!" |
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Must Be Hay Fever
THERE'S a lot of humorous harvesting going
on out there.
To see what we mean, click
here |
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To Tell the Truth
AS PART of a school project, a 13-year-old
boy had to diagram his family tree and write four descriptive
sentences about each person in it. Naturally, he waited to start
on the project until the night before it was due. His plan was
to start by listing everyone's age in the first sentence. After
quizzing his mother about the ages of other people in the family,
he finally asked how old she was. Realizing that the information
would be shared with the whole class, Mom hesitated a moment
before answering, "Twenty-nine."
Without skipping a beat, the boy glanced up from his work only
long enough to reply, "Not in dog years, Mom!" |
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Tub of Fish
MAUDE was busy in the kitchen when a neighbor
dropped in to ask how everything was going. "I'm worried
about Jake," Maude said. "Every morning, he gets up,
puts on his boots, takes his fishing pole and goes fishing in
the bathtub."
The neighbor replied, "That's terrible. Why don't you take
him to the doctor?"
Maude answered, "I don't have time--I'm too busy cooking
all the fish." |
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Cut above the Rest
WHEN a customer slid into the barber chair,
the barber asked him how he wanted his hair cut. "Make
it short," the customer replied, "with a bare patch
above my left ear, but longer on the right side so that it covers
my right ear. I also want my left sideburn above my left ear
and the right sideburn below my right ear."
The barber looked puzzled and said, "I don't think I can
do that." The customer replied, "I don't know why
not--that's the way you cut it the last time I was here!" |
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Fowl Warning
TWO MEN were painting a barn, one on a ladder
and the other on the ground. The man on the ladder spilled a
can of paint and quickly yelled, "Quack, quack! Gobble,
gobble!"
"What does that mean?" asked the other, now drenched
in paint.
"Duck, turkey!" he replied. |
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Talking in His Sleep
AN OLDER COUPLE attended a small country church,
and the wife was embarrassed because her husband always slept
through the sermon. She finally went to the pastor and asked
if he had a solution.
"I think I can help," the pastor said. "When
you come to church next Sunday, have a piece of Limburger cheese
wrapped in a handkerchief in your purse. When your husband falls
asleep, take out the Limburger and wave it under his nose."
The next Sunday, the pastor had no sooner started preaching
when the husband again fell asleep. His wife removed the Limburger
from her purse and waved it under her husband's nose. He stirred
and muttered just loud enough for all to hear, "Maggie,
you've got your feet on the pillow again!" |
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| Who Gives a Hoot? |
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YOU WILL every time this lifelike Owl Motion
Detector sets off a realistic hooting when friends come calling.
His head (complete with glow-in-the-dark eyes) turns and bobs,
too! Stands 12 inches high by 4-1/2 inches wide. On/off switch.
Two AA batteries, not included.
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To order the Owl Motion Detector from Country Store On-line,
click
here.
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Copyright 2004 Reiman Media Group,
Inc. All rights reserved.
5400 S. 60th St., P.O. Box 991, Greendale WI 53129-0991
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