Dear $$firstname$$,

Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff! Summer vacation is over--kids are back in school, and Dad (or Mom) are off to work. Whether or not you're among them, you'll surely relate to the School Daze and Job Jollies that follow. Afterward, you'll "note" some Musical Mayhem. Read on and see what we mean...

School Daze

The New Math

THE TEACHER asked her students, "If you had 10 potatoes and had to divide them among 12 people, how would you do it?"

One child promptly replied, "Mash 'em!"

Waiting Patiently

SHOWING her class a picture of Whistler's Mother, a teacher asked them to jot down their impressions of the painting. One boy wrote, "It's a nice old lady waiting for the repairman to bring back her TV set."

Testing Teacher

TOMMY APPROACHED his teacher and asked, "Teacher, can a fellow be punished for something he hasn't done?"

"Of course not," the teacher said.

"Well, then," Tommy said, "I haven't done my homework."

Sounds Reasonable

A MOTHER was trying to coax her son to get out of bed and go to school. "Give me two reasons why you shouldn't go," she demanded.

"Well," he said, "all the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me. Give me two reasons why I should go."

His mother replied firmly, "Because you're 42 years old and you're the principal." --Tom K., Wamego, Kansas

Don't Forget to Write

TWO FATHERS were discussing how their sons were doing in college. One man said, "My son is so smart that when he writes home, I have to go to the dictionary."

"You're lucky," sighed the other father. "When my son writes home, I have to go to the bank."

Tomato for the Teacher?

FACE IT--students have always given apples to their teachers. How about some other fruits or vegetables...with faces?

To see what we mean, click here.

Job Jollies

Now He Really Needs Help

THE NEW EMPLOYEE stood before the paper shredder, looking confused.

"Need some help?" asked a passing secretary.

"Yes," the new man replied. "How does this thing work?"

"It's easy," the secretary said, taking the report from his hands and feeding it into the shredder.

Puzzled, the man said, "Thanks. But where do the copies come out?"

That's What They All Say

THE NEWSPAPER office boy was having trouble with all the visitors demanding to see the editor. "I can't keep them away," the boy told his boss. "When I say you're out, they don't believe me and say they must see you."

The editor replied, "Just tell them, 'That's what they all say'. I cannot be disturbed."

That afternoon, a lady called at the office and asked to see the editor. The office boy told her that was impossible.

"But I must see him," the woman protested. "I'm his wife."

"That's what they all say," the office boy replied.

Working His Way Up

A MAN who had just lost his job was chatting with a friend.

"Why did the foreman fire you?" the friend asked.

"Oh, you know how foremen are--always standing around with their hands in their pockets, watching everybody else work."

"Sure," the friend agreed. "But why did your foreman fire you?"

"Jealousy," the first man replied. "All the other workers thought I was the foreman."

Musical Mayhem

She'd Rather Tune it Out

A MAN appeared at the door and announced, "Madam, I'm the piano tuner."

"I didn't call for a tuner," the pianist said.

"I know, lady," the man said. "Your neighbor did." --Gertrude O., Finlayson, Minnesota

Strike Up the Band

A MAN told his doctor that whenever he put his hat on, he heard music.

The doctor solved the problem by removing the man's hat and taking out the band. --Eva V., Cottage Grove, Wisconsin

Surprise, Surprise

A COUPLE wanted to surprise their neighbor on his birthday, so they dialed his number and sang Happy Birthday into the phone. When they finished, they discovered they had the wrong number.

"Don't let that bother you," the stranger told them. "You can use the practice."

Enjoy a Laugh a Day!

IT'S TRUE--you never "sausage" a calendar as the 2004 Pig Calendar! You'll find full-color "porktraits" of pigs, along with rib-tickling captions. The "udderly amoosing" 2004 Cowlendar milks good humor for all it's worth. It features a dozen full-color cow portraits. Packed with fun!

To order the 2004 Pig Calendar from Country Store On-line,
click here.

To order the 2004 Cowlendar from Country Store On-line,
click here.

WHAT do you call 100 rabbits dancing backward? A receding hare line.

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