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Dear $$firstname$$,
Greetings from the Laugh Letter
staff! Even if you've never skipped Sunday services for a game of
golf, you'll appreciate the Golf Guffaws and Sunday Funnies below.
But you needn't be a duffer to dig the Bug Bombs and Animal antics
afterward! |
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Golf Guffaws
Practice Makes Perfect
A GOLFER on the first tee blasted a
mighty drive that was picked up by the wind and floated 465 yards
down the fairway. The ball plopped onto the green, rolled up to
the pin and dropped into the cup.
"Not bad," his partner commented.
"Now I'll take my practice shot, and then we can get
started."
That's Why He's a Pro
"TIGER WOODS played here last
year," the caddie told the golfer as they approached a lagoon
shot.
"What would he use on this
hole?" the golfer asked.
The caddy scowled. "Playing your
game, sir, probably an old ball."
It Takes One to Know One
"I'M NEVER playing golf with George
again," a man told his wife. "Why, that cheater found his lost
ball one foot away from the green!"
"Well, that could happen," his wife
said.
Her husband replied, "Not when I
had his ball in my pocket!" --Joyce H., Miller, South Dakota
It's a Logical Choice
AN OLD GENT was taking a walk on a
golf course when he spotted a frog. The frog said, "If you pick me
up and rub my back, I'll turn into a beautiful young woman." The
man picked the frog up and put it in his pocket.
The frog called, "Didn't you hear?
I said if you rub my back, I'll turn into a beautiful young
woman!"
"I heard you," the man said. "But
at my age, I'd just as soon have a talking frog." --Ray S.,
Schofield, Wisconsin |
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Sunday Funnies
The Best is Yet to Come?
THE PARISH was giving a farewell
party for its priest. One dear old lady wept continuously as she
shook his hand. "I'm so sorry to see you go," she sobbed.
"Now, now, don't cry," the priest
consoled her. "The bishop will send you a much better pastor in my
place."
At that, the woman wailed louder,
"That's what they told me the last time!"
Parishioner, Heal Thyself
A GRAY-HAIRED WOMAN, a longtime
member of her church, paused to thank the minister after Sunday
services. "That was a wonderful sermon, just wonderful," she told
him. "Everything you said applies to someone I know."
Short and Sweet
COMEDIAN George Burns once
described a good sermon this way: "A good sermon should have a
good beginning, a good ending, and they should be as close
together as possible."
That's a Plateful
A BANKER'S SON bragged to his pals,
"My father makes $85 an hour just sitting at a desk."
"So?" answered the lawyer's son.
"My father talks for an hour and makes $150."
"That's nothing," said the
minister's child. "My father preaches for an hour, and it takes
four men to collect the money." --Susan F., Waynesboro, Georgia
Signs of the Times
ACROSS the country, pastors,
priests and ministers turn heads with witty sayings on roadside
church signs. For example, in Belgrade, Montana, minister Mike S.
recently asked "Where will you be sitting for eternity--smoking or
non-smoking?"
For more church
sign chuckles, click here. |
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Bug Bombs
Crash Landing
TWO FLIES were sunning themselves
on a lawn mower handle when a boy passed by eating a baloney
sandwich. Noting that he'd dropped a bit of meat, the flies flew
down and gorged themselves.
When they'd finished, the flies
returned to the mower handle, quite overstuffed. Then they noticed
a second bit of meat on the ground that they'd missed.
They took off after it, but they
were too full to control their wings, and both flies dropped to
the ground and were killed.
The moral to this story: Never fly
off the handle when you're full of baloney.
Didn't Cotton to Work
TWO BOLL WEEVILS went out into the
world to make their fortunes. The first boll weevil worked hard
and became successful and rich. The second was lazy and not a bit
industrious. That made him the lesser of two weevils. --M. H.,
Crawfordsville, Indiana |
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Animal Antics
Waddle He Ask Next?
A DUCK walked into a feed store and
asked for duck feed. The owner said he didn't have any. The next
day, the duck came back again and asked for duck feed. The owner
said he still didn't have any and told the duck to stop pestering
him.
The third day, the duck came in
again and asked for duck feed. The owner said he didn't have it,
and that if the duck came in again, he'd nail his webbed feet to
the floor.
The next day, the duck came back
and asked the owner if he had any nails. "No," the owner said.
"Okay," replied the duck, "Do you have any duck feed?" --Norma
F., Evanston, Indiana
Drip-Dry Doggie
LOOKS LIKE "Sam" has made some
mischief...to see what this cool canine has been up to,
click
here. |
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Gertie Gosling Has
12 Hats
FANS of
our popular lawn Goose, "Lucy", will love her new baby, "Gertie
Gosling". At 7-1/2 inches tall, she looks absolutely endearing
standing next to her mother, or by herself. Comes with 12
different fun hats, one for every month, including a Santa hat,
Easter bonnet and earmuffs. Brightly colored and detailed. Made of
durable poly resin. Imported.
To order Gertie Gosling from Country Store On-line,
click here. |
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Last Laugh
A JURY consists of
12 people who decide which side has the better lawyer. |
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