Dear $$firstname$$,

Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff! June is a popular month for weddings, and it also leads to the "dog days" of summer. With that in mind, we scared up some bride-and-groom groaners and a few canine howlers for you. In between, you'll find car-toons and kid stuff. Enjoy!

A Good Provider

"WELL, young man, you've asked permission to marry my daughter," said the fastidious father. "Can you support a family?"

"No, sir, I can't," the would-be groom replied. "I was only planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to get along the best you can."

--John H., Galena, Ohio

Opposite View

A MAN advised his son to marry someone with similar interests, religious beliefs and ideals.

"Oh, Dad," the younger man said. "You're living in the dark ages. Don't you know that opposites attract?"

"Listen, son," his father shot back, "just being man and woman is opposite enough."

An Unexpected Gift

"I AM God's gift to women," a bachelor boasted to a buddy.

"Yeah," his friend agreed. "But the problem is, they keep returning you."

Cultivating a Marriage

IN Spokane, Washington, Russ S. knows the value of a lasting relationship. For more, click here.

Wrong Turn

A MOTORIST lost control of his car and ran up onto the porch of a roadside cottage. Embarrassed, the man climbed out of his car and mumbled to the lady of the house, "Can you tell me the way to Farmingdale?"

The woman replied coldly, "Straight ahead through the living room and turn left at the pantry."

Have a Safe Trip

A TEENAGER who had just received her learner's permit offered to drive her parents to church. After a wild ride, they finally reached their destination. The driver's mother got out of the car and said, "Thank you."

"Anytime," her daughter replied.

As the woman slammed the door, she said, "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to God."

As Good as It Gets

A LITTLE GIRL told her friend, "I can be sick for nothing because my father's a doctor."

"That's no big deal," her playmate replied. "I can be good for nothing because my father's a minister."

Berry Good Idea

A WOMAN came home from a nearby farm with two buckets of cow manure for the garden.

"What's that for?" asked 6-year-old Kelly.

"The strawberries," Mom answered.

After staring at the buckets for a moment, Kelly asked, "Can I have mine with whipped cream instead?"

Modern Discipline

A FRUSTRATED FATHER was telling a friend how difficult it is to punish a teenager.

"When I was a youngster," the man explained, "my father sent me to my room without supper. But my son has his own TV, stereo, phone and microwave oven."

"So what do you do?" his friend asked.

"I send him to MY room."

Happy Mudder's Day

WHAT is it about mud puddles that attracts kids? Mud acts like a magnet when youngsters walk by...it draws them closer and closer, and before you know it, the mud's all over them!

For more photos of "the ground crew", click here.

Bark Worse than Bite?

A LAWYER driving past a farmer's pasture stopped to watch a dog that was grabbing dried cow pies in its mouth, shaking them, then tossing them away. After watching the dog do this several times, the lawyer said to the farmer, "That's an odd way for your dog to act, isn't it?"

"Not really," the farmer said. "He bit a lawyer this morning, and he's trying to get the bad taste out of his mouth."

--Marilyn S., Spencerville, Ohio

Dogs Welcome

A MAN planning a vacation wrote to a hotel to ask if his dog would be allowed to stay there. A few days later, he received the following reply:

"Dear Sir, I've been in the hotel business for over 30 years. I've never had to call the police to eject a disorderly dog in the small hours of the morning. No dog has ever attempted to pass a bad check. Never has a dog set the bedclothes on fire while smoking. And I've never found a hotel towel in a dog's suitcase. Your dog is welcome.

"P.S. If he will vouch for you, you can come, too."

It's a Dog's Life

A PATIENT told his doctor, "This hospital is no good--you treat us like dogs."

"Mr. Jones, you know that's not true," the doctor replied. "Now, roll over!"

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OUR "Talking" Rooster has a motion detector that triggers a "cock-a-doodle-do" when anyone walks by. Great way to greet friends and entertain the kids.

To order, click here.

IF all the people who sleep in church were laid end to end...they'd be more comfortable.

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