Dear $$firstname$$,

Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff! Get ready to grin--we've come up with some church chuckles, a few small-town ticklers, more cute kid quips and other silly stuff (including a hog who thought he was a dog). Enjoy!

Which Way Is It?

A PREACHER was walking down the street, looking for the post office, when he noticed a boy standing nearby. He went over and told him, "Sonny, I'll give you a quarter if you show me where the post office is."

The boy took the preacher to the post office. The preacher gave him the quarter, then said, "Sonny, if you come to Sunday school and church tomorrow, I'll tell you how to get to heaven."

The boy looked the preacher in the eye and said, "I don't know about that--you couldn't even find the post office."

--Marie B., Pinckneyville, Illinois

Talk to the Boss

A MINISTER and a salesman were seated side by side on an airplane that flew into a violent storm. The frightened salesman asked the minister, "Can't you do something to stop this storm?"

"Sorry, I can't," the preacher said.

"But you're a man of God," the salesman insisted.

"I know, I know," the minister said. "But I'm in sales, not management."

The Naked Truth

JOHNNY wanted to play ball on Sunday afternoon, but he knew his pastor father had a l-o-n-g sermon planned for that morning. So he quietly went to the pulpit and removed the last few pages of the sermon.

Later, during the service, the pastor intoned, "And Adam said to Eve..." then stopped. The rest of his sermon was gone! Thinking he'd remember what came next, he tried again. "And Adam said to Eve..." Still nothing.

Nervously shuffling the pages of his sermon, the pastor muttered, "And Adam said to Eve...there must be a leaf missing here."

--Reinhart B., Saint James, Minnesota

Godspeed

A TOURIST passing through a small town asked one of the residents, "What's the speed limit through this one-horse town of yours?"

"Ain't got one," the native replied. "You folks can't go through here fast enough to suit us."

Now, See Here

A FELLOW from New York City was driving along the coast of Maine and stopped to ask a native how to find the covered bridge in Littleton.

"Well," the man drawled, "you just go three C's and then head north."

"What are three C's?" the city man asked.

"You just head down the road for as far as you can see, then do it again twice."

Hop to It

THE MAIL CARRIER in Convoy, Ohio is really hopping this time of year. To see why, click here.

Yesterday...Today...Tomorrow

A DETERMINED day-care instructor was trying to teach some preschoolers the days of the week--without much success. After drilling them for several days, she again asked, "What day is today?"

As usual, no one knew. One youngster said, "Tuesday." Another said, "Monday."

"No, no, no!" the teacher said. "It's Thursday. Today is Thursday."

At that, a little girl held up her hand and said, "But teacher--every day you change the answer."

--Jessie D., Anderson, Indiana

That's a Relief

WHEN a 6-year-old boy returned home from school, his mother asked about his day.

"Today the teacher asked me whether I had any brothers or sisters," the boy said. "I told her I was an only child."

"And what did she say, dear?"

"She said, 'Thank goodness.'"

--Gertrude O., Finlayson, Minnesota

See What I Saw?

LITTLE Cody is ready to rock on the seesaw, with help from his best buddy.
To see 'em in action, click here.

Bark...er, Oink!

"WHEN he was 8, my great-grandson Kellen had a horse, a cat, four dogs and a pig," says Genevia L. of Holcomb, Missouri.

"The pig's name was ‘Hercules Hog', and his antics were most unusual. He shared his pen with Dalmatians that loved to play and bark...and he considered himself one of the dogs. "Hercules could even 'bark' like them!

"He and one of the Dalmatians played a game in which they would face each other, bark and jump in the air. Then they'd take off chasing one another and barking.

When Kellen went out at feeding time, Hercules and the dogs came running, barking all the way.

"At any given time, we enjoyed watching Hercules carrying on, maybe shaking a tree limb, scooting a ball with his snout or just waiting for Kellen to rub his belly or spray him with the hose.

"Hercules Hog was a wonderful pet, even though he was a bit confused about his heritage!"

Easter Levity

"IT WAS Easter weekend," recounts Helen B. of Lake Tomahawk, Wisconsin, "and our daughter was visiting.

"I'd just started a loaf baking in my bread maker. Since she was planning on buying a bread maker, too, she asked me lots of questions about it.

"By the time the signal sounded to alert us the loaf was done, we were all looking forward to fresh warm bread for lunch. I peeked inside the machine...grinned to myself...then immediately called our daughter over.

"There's one thing I neglected to tell you about the bread machine," I confessed. "Don't forget to add the yeast!" That's exactly what I had done!

"My family joked about me making unleavened bread for Easter. We put it out for the birds to snack on...but even they wouldn't eat it!"

If everything is coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane!

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