Laugh Letter - Premiere Edition - 2003 Greetings from the Laugh Letter staff! We hope you enjoy this newest member of our newsletter "family"--you won't find any meal plans or yard and garden tips here, but you will find plenty of grins (or groans) and some good hearty laughs. Ready to feel good? Read on! It's About Time... Neither Hear Nor There TWO retired gentlemen were having coffee at the town diner. The first man spoke up, "I just bought the best hearing aid money can buy." The second man asked, "What kind is it?" The first man, looking at his watch, replied, "It's 2:30." Keeping Watch THE OWNER of a large lumber mill needed to have the correct time to blow the whistle at each shift change. At about 4 a.m. on his way to work, he would stop at the jewelry store to set his watch. In order to see the clock inside the store, he had to press his hands and face up against the window glass. This always left smudges on the window. For 20 years, the jeweler had to wash that window every morning, and he was getting tired of it. One day, he decided to stay at the store all night and see who was doing that to his window. Early the next morning, there was that face looking in his window. He ran out and caught the mill owner and said, "For 20 years, I've been washing that window every morning to get the smudges off. Why are you doing that?" The mill owner replied, "For 20 years, I've set my watch by your clock so I can blow the mill whistle at the correct time." "Oh my!" exclaimed the jeweler. "For 20 years, I've been setting that clock by your mill whistle." ********** Small Talk WHEN my daughter Katrina was 3, she stood against a doorjamb and put her hand on top of her head. "See how much I growed," she exclaimed. "I'm all the way up to my hand!" --Shari S., Sutton, Vermont ONE EVENING as I hurriedly slathered on some facial cream, my daughter, who was 3 at the time, asked, "What is that for?" To avoid a lengthy explanation, I answered, "To make me look pretty." She looked up at me and said very seriously, "It isn't working very good, is it?" --Zelma D., Holden, Missouri MY HUSBAND, Adrian, was snoring loudly on our davenport. I remarked to our grandson Jack, "Boy, Grandpa sure is sawing logs." "Grandma, why do they say ‘sawing logs'?" Jack asked. I explained the concept to him until I was certain he understood. About 2 hours later, Adrian was still snoring loudly. "Look, Grandma," Jack finally pointed out. "Grandpa is still chopping wood!" --Tillie F., Appleton, Wisconsin A SLICK SPOT threw our car into a 360-degree spin. After stopping, I turned to the backseat to check our 5-year-old. "Mommy!" she exclaimed, "I didn't know you could drive like they do on TV!" --Isabel R., Columbia Falls, Montana Shaky Situation WHAT'S this curly topped toddler gotten into? Visit: http://images.reimanpub.com/newsletters/humor/2003.02/JPage/JP1.htm To find out! ********** Blushing Blunders Should Have Ducked "ONE cold winter day, I was driving my 85-year-old father home from the doctor's office," relates Mary B. of Corfu, New York. "As we passed a small farm pond, I saw a duck seemingly frozen in the ice. I was very upset to see such an unsettling sight--all I could think about was the poor duck freezing to death. "I turned the car around and went up to the farmhouse, but there was no one around. Father, who grew up trapping, hunting and fishing, didn't seem nearly as concerned as I was, which surprised me. "When we got home, I immediately told my husband about the terrible sight I had seen. He chuckled and said, 'Don't worry--it was just a duck decoy frozen in the ice.' "I turned to look at my father, and he had a silly smile on his face. I felt so foolish!" ********** Not-So-Deep Subject WHEN WE needed a new well last summer, it was right in the middle of a terrible hot spell. The afternoon the well digger arrived and set up his rig, the temperature was over 100 degrees. After just a short time on the job, the well digger got in his truck and started to drive away. When I walked up, he stopped and leaned out of the cab. "Half done," he said. Knowing that he had to go down several hundred feet, I looked at the well and saw he'd only gone about 6 feet. When he noticed the perplexed look on my face, he grinned and said, "Well begun is half done." --Robert R., Austin, Texas ********** Some Smiley Photos...With Heart WITH Valentine's Day this month, Mother Nature has gone to great lengths to remind us that love, indeed, is in the air. For photo evidence, just look at these cacti showing the thorny side of pitching woo! For more photos with heart, visit: http://images.reimanpub.com/newsletters/humor/2003.02/JPage/JP2.htm ********** Animal Antics As A Rooster, He Laid an Egg I GREW UP on a small farm in Oregon. To make a little extra money, I sometimes gave horseback riding lessons. Once when a neighbor boy wanted a lesson but didn't have the $2 I charged, he offered a rooster with a floppy red comb. Mom and I quickly realized that chicken preferred people to other chickens, so we often let it come into the kitchen, especially during cold spells. One day, it hopped up onto the stove, where it settled down on one of the burners. Next thing we knew, our "rooster" had laid an egg! Mother got out the frying pan, and we shared the freshest egg we'd ever had! After that, we kept a basket in the kitchen, and every so often, that bird would come in and provide us with another fresh egg. The hen lived to a ripe old age. Over the years, we enjoyed the convenience of not having to go hunt for eggs--thanks to a horse...and a rooster that wasn't! --Rosemary H., Roseburg, Oregon ********** THIS NEWSLETTER is from the editors of some of your favorite magazines, including... Country is your "window" to the most spectacular scenery and friendliest folks anywhere! If you live in the country...or wish you did, then this is your magazine. To subscribe or give a gift on-line, visit http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=80 Country Woman puts you "in touch" with other women who love country living as much as you do. Enjoy recipes, decorating, crafting and more! To subscribe or give a gift on-line, visit http://www.reimanpub.com/rd.asp?id=82 ********** Country Store Grow Your Own Juicy Tomatoes for Savory Stews and Sauces! Visit: http://www.countrystorecatalog.com/RD.asp?ID=432 ********** HAVE A FRIEND who enjoys good clean fun? Feel free to forward this newsletter! 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